Adventures in parenting

I'm still searching

2012-01-28T11:51:00.001-05:00

I have a lot on my mind, just no time to blog about it.

Avery's birth family asked me how the search was going for the other sister. I had to tell them that it wasn't going so well. They, of course, said not to worry about it and thanked me for trying.

I guess I just don't know what I'm doing?? How do you search for someone who may not want to be found! Not everyone is as open about adoption as I am (again, irony because I'm not exactly open about my own adoption and birth family).

I know how many people don't want to find birth family in China. They believe that their children are theirs. I get that, I really do. However, you have to understand that there is another family out there who is a part of that child's life (whether it is unconcious or not).
The birth family may not want contact either (as in my case, or so I believe) but they are still a part of your child's life.

Anyway, once again:
I am searching for a girl who was adopted from Gao An, born Feb 2004 and she probably lives in Norway (her adoptive family was from Norway).

I have pictures and information that I would like to share with this family somehow!

EDIT: Wow, had to edit for some serious spelling errors, yikes. That's what I get for quick posting.

新年快樂

2012-01-23T07:43:00.000-05:00

Xin Nian Kuai Le! Happy Year of the Dragon.
Made dumplings yesterday with Avery, Brennyn said she was just too tired to help (even though we made them at 10:00 in the morning, ha ha).
Grandma, Grandpa, Nana and Papa all came over to help us eat our Chinese Feast, complete with almond chicken, beef and shrimp with noodles, sweet and sour pineapple pork and ribs.
I may have spent all day cooking, but it was so worth it. Avery is eating leftovers this morning for breakfast.

Oh, and my girls got a special gift for Chinese New Year, a NO BUS DAY this morning!
I'm off to steam the extra dumplings we had hidden in the fridge!

My winter loving children

2012-01-16T15:24:00.001-05:00

Well, one loves winter and the cold, the other puts up with it (when her sister drags her outside for some fun).

Video chat

2012-01-14T09:48:00.002-05:00

Who says I'm not computer literate (oh wait, I do). I (with a little help from my husband) managed to hook up a video camera to the laptop and completed our first ever video chat to China and to Avery's birth family. It was a little awkward and emotional all at the same time, and Avery wasn't very into it (not surprising, she is only 5).

However, it was worth it just so they could see Avery's face even if it was only for a moment or two. Brennyn, on the other hand, had no problems jumping into the camera view (again, not surprising). I still don't think Avery can process all this information yet, but I'm trying to keep the lines of communication open (as much as you can with a 5 year old). Once again, I just hope I'm doing all this correctly. I hope this will be what Avery wants when she is older, but I just have no way of knowing that.

EDIT: I've been thinking it over, taking it all in. It makes me realize how much a part of their lives Avery is. You don't forget a child, just because you aren't raising him/her. I have no doubt they (not just her birth mother) have thought about Avery every day and wondered what happened to her. The one comment they made to me today was that Avery looks so happy and healthy. I hope Avery is happy, I am pretty sure she is. I mean, this is all she knows, this life. She doesn't know what it would be like to be living in rural China right now (I don't even really know what that would be like). I don't even know what I'm trying to say here. I just think it's so important that as adoptive parents, we don't turn a blind eye to the birth parents. They are out there and they can even be found sometimes.
Perhaps I am the biggest hypocrite around, because I was initially hestitant about birth parent searches (before we adopted), and I haven't really tried to find my own birth family (my brother found his and I think it scared me off, not a happy ending there). I don't know how all this is going to play out in the future, anything can happen because we are, afterall just human. Mistakes will be made, but we're kind of entering uncharted waters here.

sending a package

2012-01-12T14:25:00.002-05:00

I am finally sending the package to China. I meant to send it months ago, and much to my embarrassment Avery's birth family have been checking their mail waiting for this package. I think I overstressed it and wanted to send the perfect package so I hesitated. Now, I'm just sending a new picture of Avery, a few items of clothing for Avery's birth niece and nephews and some candy. I'm sure they just want the pictures of Avery anyway!!I have also finally had a chat with Avery about her birth family. She really does not seem interested right now, but I think she is the type of person who really holds her emotions in. She is a thinker! As I've mentioned before, I really hope eventually, communicating with her birth family will become routine to her, just another aspect of her life. I just hope I'm doing all this the right way. It's so hard to know what the correct choices are, I really hope I'm not contributing to future therapy bills. I guess it's so hard to sometimes not project your own feelings onto what your child may feel.

2012-01-09T21:30:00.003-05:00

"she just doesn't know how much I love her". Wish I had a tape recorder, because that is not something Avery normally would say. Hearing my gruff, tough, not very emotional almost 6 year old whispering that to me about her 4 year old sister was enough to make this mama cry.

Don't leave a jar of vaseline in a 4 year old's bedroom

2012-01-09T19:47:00.003-05:00

I'm sure you can guess what transpired, and it wasn't a good scene. I was out picking Avery up from gymnastics, but arrive home in time to see Brennyn in her birthday suit telling me that she's getting her pajamas on. Okay, I think, this is good, she's finally getting dressed by herself. Plus, her Dad is up there anyway, so all is good.I get Avery her dinner and finally make my way upstairs. Blair is getting ready for work (and checking e-mails). Brennyn excitedly tells me "I'm putting on my own cream too Mommy". Now, I'm slightly concerned and quickly run into her room. My darling husband is all "don't worry, she's just getting her pajamas on like I told her". Sure enough, she's put her cream on. My brand new jar of vaseline (it's the only thing that works for her skin, and it has to be the original, super greasy vaseline) is now half empty. Brennyn is covered in vasoline, head to toe!Oh, and here is a tip: Do not try and wash vaseline off in a tub! This may be common sense for most people, but not moi. I've had to scrub that tub down 3 times so far, and it's still a slippery, shiny vat of vaseline.You can't say life is dull around here! Oh, and my darling husband is in the dog house.

Medical

2012-01-07T20:32:00.002-05:00

I feel like I'm hitting a wall again, when it comes to Brennyn's medical situation. Yes, we have a diagnosis: ADULT Syndrome, a rare form of Ectodermal Dysplasia and we have been referred to all the right specialists. However, nobody seems to be able to tell us what to expect, what to be on the look out for. We visit the specialist, they check Brennyn out, say that they have never actually seen a child with ADULT syndrome and then act like it's not a big deal. Use these steroid creams for her skin, we'll see you again in 3 months. The creams were working, but I worry about the long term effects of steroid cream (the word is that if you use it lightly and only when needed, shouldn't be a problem). What if your child needs the cream everyday because it's the only thing that keeps her from itching her skin until it bleeds?? My poor girl has a rash today and I had to resort to Benedryl (another medicine I don't like to use, but again, she was so itchy, we had no choice). I'm also worried about her teeth. How do we know if her Adult teeth will be okay?? Often people with Ectodermal Dysplasia's lose their teeth early. I'm just a worried Mama, who would give anything to talk to someone else with ADULT syndrome (not many out there, unfortunately). Thank goodness for the NFED (National Foundation for Ectodermal Dysplasia), without that website, I'd be lost. They are an amazing source of information for anyone dealing with an Ectodermal Dysplasia diagnosis. I'm not complaining, we've been so lucky to have an actual diagnosis and to be treated at one of the best Children's Hospitals in the World. It's still hard sometimes, that's all. It's hard when you just want to make your child better. It's hard when you don't have all the answers. It's hard when you don't know how this diagnosis is going to affect (or is it effect, my English skills have gone down the tubes these days) your daughter as she grows older. It's hard when everything seems to be out of your control and you just want answers. Brennyn, on the other hand, is amazing. She never complains, even when her skin is so itchy it's turning red or she has to spend another day at Sick Kids. She is one special little girl, but everyone who meets her knows that!!!

The holidays are over

2012-01-04T08:11:00.001-05:00

Brennyn is having a slightly off day today, and it's only 8:00 in the morning. Right now she isn't talking to me "I'm ignoring you Mommy, I only talk to Daddy, Avery, Buda and Duncan cause they are my friends". This response was after she was placed in a time out for yelling at mommy "I want yogurt right now". Looks to be an interesting day today for Brennyn and Mommy!Of course, Brennyn doesn't understand the concept of ignoring (she was showing me something right away and explaining what it was). If only we could hold a grudge like a 4 year old (they forget they are mad after 2 seconds).

2012-01-02T12:54:00.000-05:00

Saw this quote on a forum I frequent and I had to copy it. I've always had this idea of how my life would be when I was older. I was going to get married at 25, have my first child by 28 and have 2 more after that, etc. Heck, maybe every kid has those ideals, or their own ideals. One thing you would think I would have learned by now is that you can't map out your life, things happen that may be out of your control."I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." - Gilda RadnerI don't know what tomorrow is going to bring, but I'm hoping I will be able to just roll with it!

2011-12-31T23:04:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year. 2011 was an interesting year, to say the least. Here's to 2012!! Happy New Year from our humble home to yours, cheers!

Tooth number two

2011-12-29T19:23:00.001-05:00

Avery is breaking the bank this month, tooth number two has been successfully pulled out of her little mouth. Her adult tooth was growing right behind that tiny tooth and pushing it out. However, that stubborn root would not let go. Her tooth was turning black, it had to come out. Her brave (not) mommy tried to twist and pull that tooth out all day (as I was trying not to gag, who knew that my own child's wiggly tooth would freak me out). Finally, her paramedic Daddy came home and got the job done. I still maintain that I loosened it for her Dad, just saying.Anyhoo, her tooth count is now at 2, and she just told me that another one feels loose. This girl is going to have some serious cash to spend. Maybe she can lend it back to Mom, because it's looking like this girl is going to need some braces. Unless, her teeth magically go straight once all the adult ones come in??? Please tell me that is how it works, because it isn't looking good right now. Guess we'll find out when we see the dentist next month!

2011-12-26T14:07:00.000-05:00

Avery made us a gift at school, it was a snowman ornament. She could not wait for us to open her gift!! I thought the Reindeer wrapping was the best.

Opening her Santa gift, which was barking before she even touched it. She could not believe that Santa could make her gift, so she didn't think she would really get her toy dog. That Santa is one crafty dude!

This is the train station Blair made for Brennyn.

Finally have a minute to post some pics.

2011-12-26T09:15:00.002-05:00

Brennyn's Christmas concert.

Nothing like a cup of hot chocolate on Christmas morning!

Santa stockings, so much fun.

I am one lucky mama, so thankful for my family!

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T08:42:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas everyone from our house to yours!

Christmas concert time

2011-12-21T06:35:00.000-05:00

Both girls have their Christmas concerts at school today. Brennyn's is this morning and Avery's is the repeat preformance in the afternoon. I guess most parent's don't have to see the exact same show twice, but again, most parent's don't have one child in jk (morning class) and one in Sk (afternoon class). I can't wait to see both shows, I love watching little ones sing and dance!Hopefully I will actually post some pictures on here soon.

Cookie time

2011-12-18T07:53:00.000-05:00

The girls and I baked some fancy gingerbread people yesterday.
Don't know if I have mentioned this before, but Avery has a love for a certain Cake Boss on television (I guess I really need to cut out my reality tv watching). She looooves Buddy and his fancy, smancy cakes.

As soon as she saw me putting icing into a piping bag (okay, so it was just a zip lock bag because I don't often ice cookies or cakes) her face lit up and she took over the icing job.

Avery spent an hour icing cookies and wanted me to bake more when we ran out of cookies to ice! The girl is a natural!
Brennyn was on decoration duty, although I suspect more sprinkles found their way into her mouth than on the cookies.

2011-12-17T07:29:00.000-05:00

Does anyone ever enter contests and think "Do people actually win these things"?
My husband is forever entering draws on his favourite sports radio station and he has won a few soccer tickets.
This time he won something great, and I ate some crow. Yes, I may have ribbed him about spending so much time on that sports website and entering all these crazy contests but no more! He won a $1000.00 gift card to Home Depot which is even better because we are finally finishing our basement (we've only been living in this house for 9 years now, figured it was about time).

Now I'm off to enter a million contests!!

Cookie time

2011-12-11T06:12:00.000-05:00

We finally had some time to bake the girl's favourite cookies, Paintbrush cookies.
Taking pictures was a little more challenging! Suddenly, having your picture taken is "not cool mom". I'm fairly certain that my child is a teenager stuck in a 5 year old's body, just saying. At least it's still cool to bake cookies with Mom!

The pictures I find

2011-12-11T06:05:00.000-05:00

Someone "borrowed" Mommy's camera again.

2011-12-08T08:09:00.000-05:00

Avery's birth family is interested in doing a video chat during Chinese New Year (when Avery's cousin will be home to translate for us).
The only problem is that we haven't totally explained the whole situation to Avery. I have told her that we are in contact with her birth cousin, and one birth sister but she really does not understand the concept.

My husband is very reluctant to do the video chat. He thinks it will be too confusing for Avery. I, on the other hand, would like to go ahead with this. I do not want to be a parent who keeps secrets from her child. This is her family, not mine. I want her to grow up knowing them, in hopes that they just become part of her life, like an extended family member. Of course, I don't know if she will want this in the future, but I hope it will just seem natural to her eventually.

It's hard to explain, I respect my husband's wishes but I do disagree. Does this mean that I'm right, I wish I knew the answer. I wish I knew what the right choice was.

2011-12-03T19:50:00.000-05:00

I know, you can almost hear the crickets chirp. My computer time is very limited these days, the laundry is a mountain, I think the beds are made, I could go on and on. Nothing like working retail in December, what can I say!

Speaking of work, the girls were so very excited to visit me at the store today. Brennyn came running up, yelling "mommy, we came to see you at work". It would have been even more special if she didn't display the exact same level of excitment when she saw her teacher at the mall 5 minutes later! One thing about Brennyn, she is always so happy to see people she knows. She makes everyone feel very special and loved.

In other news, the tooth fairy paid a visit to our house a few nights ago. I'm not so sure that Avery is buying the whole tooth fairy thing, but as long as she's getting some money under her pillow, she'll be playing along!

No time for blogging

2011-11-27T08:26:00.000-05:00

It`s the busy season at work, so not much computer time happening. Not much running time happening either (not to mention that it`s difficult to get motivated to run outside when it`s cold, rainy and snowy).

Girls are very excited about Christmas. Letter`s have been sent to Santa, parades have been watched and the Christmas specials on the TV are about to start.

Brennyn has a few more appointments at Sick Kids this month, one for dermatology and one for physio. After that, I don`t think we return to Sick Kids until Feb.

Avery`s tooth is still hanging in there. She can almost twist it sideways. I do believe the tooth fairy will be visiting our house before Christmas.

Obviously I was outvoted

2011-11-22T19:59:00.000-05:00

It was a 3 to 1 victory at our house. The Christmas tree and decorations were set up last week. All four of us love the Christmas Season, but since only 1 of us works retail in this household and has watched the stores sneak in Christmas merchandise earlier and earlier every year, well I guess that person tried to maintain a little restraint. I say the tree does not come out of the box before December 1st, but as you can see, I was outvoted.

In this picture I'm sure Avery was saying "see how much fun we are having, who says you shouldn't decorate 6 weeks before Christmas. Crank up those Christmas tunes Grinch, I mean Mom".

Brennyn was rocking out to the above mentioned Christmas tunes.

Not giving up

2011-11-16T11:34:00.000-05:00

Still searching for Avery's birth sister.
Once again I will list the information I have (just in case anyone new happens upon my blog).

The girl I am looking for was born Feb. 23 2004. She was adopted by a family from Norway and she was from Gao An SWI, Jiangxi.

I do also know her orphanage name, but will not disclose this info on the internet. Anyone wanting more information can e-mail me at
blair1849@rogers.com

Sick Kids

2011-11-15T19:42:00.000-05:00

Brennyn had another appointment at Sick Kids today. One of the volunteers gave Brennyn a pretty necklace with her name on it. It's to collect bravery beads, you get a bead for every surgery, needle, physio appt., cast removal, etc. I think Brennyn is owed a few beads (like 10) but she has a lot of time to collect some new beads! She was so very happy to get this necklace, once again, I am so impressed with this hospital!
They really do treat these children with the respect they deserve, they don't talk down to them and they explain everything that is being done. Brennyn loves her physiotherapist and so do we!

We have to go back to Sick Kids on Thursday, twice in one week. At least we only live an hour away!! This time it's to see the heart specialist, just as a precaution. One person who has Brennyn's syndrome also had some sort of heart issue, so they just want to do some testing to rule any heart problems out. It is very unlikely that Brennyn has any heart issues!

Brennyn was such a trooper, she always is. I'm sure I wouldn't like all these people coming in and asking to see my hands all the time, but she just does what they ask (most of the time, she is only 4 afterall). She even said (after the physio had to massage her scar and mold a splint to her hand) "I did not cry mommy, I just looked like this (meaning she just looked straight ahead)". You could tell that her hand was hurting her a bit too.

My baby is growing up

2011-11-11T12:08:00.000-05:00

Avery has been telling me her 2 bottom teeth are hurting for the past week or so.
Today I checked her tooth and sure enough, it is loose. Her first tooth is about to fall out.

Brennyn was very concerned, she thought we should get Avery to the dentist!

Now that was an emotion stirring TV show

2011-11-10T12:59:00.000-05:00

I watched Harry's Law last night, only seen the show a handful of times, but I saw the preview for last night's episode couldn't turn away.

I'm going to have to assume that someone on the writing team has a child adopted from China. I just cannot see the average North American having that much insight into what is currently taking place in China and being discussed in the adoption community.

I really do not know what the right answer is in that type of situation. I know, logically that the child belongs with her birth family, she was forcibly taken by the "family planning officials" (not going to describe the whole premise of the episode, if you are really interested I'm sure it's being discussed elsewhere on the 'net).
Yet, the child has lived with her adoptive family for 4 years and only really knows this family as her parents.
The adoptive parents are also not to blame in this fictional account. They adopted a 2 year old and the TV show explains that they believed China to be a stable, uncorrupted adoption program. Isn't this what we all believed, once upon a time??
The most heartbreaking part of this case is the child. It is not the fault of either set of parents that this situation occured. The fault lay at the hands of the family planning officials. However, you can't go back in time and undo what has been done.

I really don't feel that this story was just that, a story. I think something similar to this could easily happen. Children are being kidnapped in China, and some are being taken by overzealous government officials. I cannot imagine my life without my children, and if one of my children disappeared you can bet I would do whatever it took to get them back.

Families in China are trying to be heard, and I hope someone will really start to listen.

Nobody should be put in this position, especially not a child.

2 posts in one day (oh and this may be TMI)

2011-11-08T13:10:00.000-05:00

Can't believe I forgot to post about our latest trip to Sick Kids. Brennyn and I drove down for her 9:50 appointment to have her cast removed (by the way, not a good time to drive to an appointment downtown Toronto, just saying). We are about 20 minutes away from the hospital, stuck in traffic, and I look back at Brennyn. I thought she had been spitting on herself, her chin was wet. Brennyn says "Mommy, it not drool, I barfed".
She was so silent, I had no idea when this had happened. I couldn't pull off the highway so I gave her a bag just in case.
10 minutes later, she was sick again and everywhere but the bag.

Sick Kids said to come in anyway, since we were almost there. Brennyn got a brand new pair of scrubs from the gift shop and her cast is now off.

Don't know what happened, she was great the next morning.
Her hand looks great, I am so impressed with this hospital. We go back again next week to start the physio.

When it rains, it pours

2011-11-08T12:47:00.001-05:00

Or, it's almost wintertime and our furnace has been shut off. Nine year old house, and the furnace has a cracked heat exchange. Therefore, the gas guy has to (by law, and for our safety) turn off the gas to the furnace. Thankfully, it has been warmer than usual this November.

Not something we were planning on purchasing anytime soon, but that's life!
May be putting the back to school plans on hold for one more year. Not just because of the large purchase we are currently making, but I'm thinking it may work better once Brennyn is in school full days. Also, gives me time to make sure I am picking the best program for me (it's a toss up between the college Social Service Worker or going to Teacher's college).

Well, that's all that is new around these parts. Really hoping nothing else goes in our 9 year old house. They sure don't make things to last anymore!

2011-11-06T06:21:00.003-05:00

This year we celebrated Avery's Day with her friend (and our friends) and "china sister". It's so amazing to watch these two girls grow up together, and even though they don't see each other all that often, they remain great friends!

Happy Avery Day

2011-11-05T08:29:00.001-04:00

Five years ago today I was finally handed my beautiful sweaty little daughter. She took one look at me and started crying and cried for 3 hours straight. Once we started to peel off some layers of clothing (I was afraid to take anything off because our social worker had said "this is a scary situation for the children, do not change them/bath them, this clothing has all the smells they are used to"). Poor Avery was in 4 layers and it was 25 degrees outside (very, warm in Nanchang).

I think I was sweating just as much, first time mom with a screaming child and my husband had to leave to do all the paperwork. It was all good though, I was just so happy to finally be a mom.

Seems like this all happened yesterday, yet now she is a big sister and in school.

Avery, you are such a smart girl, always been wise beyond your years (perhaps this is why you have a difficult time relating to kids in your class). You are your own person, no dolls or disney princesses for you. You can be stubburn and you still have that temper but on the plus side, nobody is going to push you around my girl!

I love you so much Avery, and still can't believe how lucky I am to be your mom.

Still searching

2011-11-02T09:09:00.000-04:00

Nothing to report on the search for my daughter's birth sister. Just wanted to bump this back up to the top of my blog on the off chance that someone clicks on the blog.

Here is the information once again:

Adopted from Gao An, Jiangxi. Born Feb. 23 2004. Adopted by a family from Norway.

Once again, I would love to provide her family with some pictures of the birth family including her sisters.

Also, I am still requesting any help I can get in my search. I have been very fortunate to have someone from Norway post this info on a Norwegian Forum. Thank-you again!

On another search topic, we have finally started the search for Brennyn's family in Xi'an. Using an organization that many people find controversial, but they seem to have a lot of contacts in China so I'm going for it!

2011-11-01T22:06:00.000-04:00

Both girls are the "star of the week" at school this week (every child in the class gets to be the person of the week at least once, I'm thinking they do by last name or something since my kids are it the same week).
This year the teacher gave them a little fun sheet to fill out. One of the questions is, What do I want to be when I grow up? Brennyn's answer: Garbage Lady. The other question was, Favourite food? Brennyn's answer: Mushrooms and Tomatoes. I tried to give her some other suggestions, but she insisted on mushrooms and tomatoes.
She cracks me up!

Oh and Avery wants to be Superman when she grows up.

2011-10-31T21:42:00.001-04:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

2011-10-31T11:00:00.000-04:00

BOO! Have a great Halloween everyone. We looove Halloween around these parts!

It's that time of year

2011-10-29T19:31:00.000-04:00

The germs are back! Tis the season and all of that, boo to cold and flu. Every year we tell you to go away, really you are not welcome here. Yet, once again our house is invaded. Just in time for Halloween, once again.
Sneezing, coughing, crabiness is ready to be shared within our little house. I'm sure the bug caught a nice ride with my darling children, straight from school of course.
I'm also sure that we have helped spread this bug far and wide since I was the bad mother and sent both my kids to school yesterday and to gymnastics practise.
I do know that the kids were nice enough to share the bug with their father and I.
On the plus side, both my children were in bed, fast asleep by 7:00. However, their mother isn't too far behind.

Thinking about a career change

2011-10-27T09:38:00.000-04:00

Okay, so technically I don't have a career but I am thinking of a change. I do have a BA in psychology, never used really but at least I did graduate once upon a time.

We also happen to have a satelite campus of a community college at our huge state of the art arena, located 5 minutes walking distance from my front door.

This college only has 5 programs, yet 2 of these programs are something I would be interested in regardless. One is Social Service worker and the other is an ECE (early childhood educator) diploma. Those both loosely tie in with my dusty old psych degree. Better job prospects with the ECE, however do I want to work in a daycare setting??? Social Service Worker would be more emotionally demanding, but it also relates more to psychology (again, loosely) which I love. I do love working with children though (at least I think I do).

Just seems like the right time to go back to school, Avery will be in grade 1 next year, so full time and Brennyn will most likely be in afternoon kindergarten (can always get someone to watch her the odd morning when Blair is working or coming off night shift).

Hmm, decisions, decisions. Oh, and I somehow also have to find some money to pay for this adventure, so I have to make sure I can find a job at the end of this journey to pay back this found money (aka loan).

Nothing to report on the search

2011-10-25T20:33:00.000-04:00

Guess I'm a little discouraged. I knew that it would be very difficult to locate Avery's birth sister, but it's still disappointing. I'm going to attempt to e-mail the Norwegian adoption agencies one more time and see if they will assist me. I wonder what my agency would do if someone e-mailed them from another country looking for a birth relative?? I'm wondering if this has ever happened?

It's difficult when most adoptive families don't believe it's possible to find birth family in China. It's not easy, and it's still fairly rare, but it's happening more and more. There are even birth families in China searching from that end. There are adoptees starting to search for their birth parents as well. Trust me, it's happening, the walls are starting to come down slowly.

Harvest festival

2011-10-23T06:46:00.000-04:00

Our great town has so many activities for families. Yesterday was the annual town harvest festival. All the shops downtown hand out candy to the little ones dressed in their Halloween costumes.
It's always so much fun, and I love to see the downtown streets full of families dressed in their Halloween best.

Of course, this could be because Halloween happens to be my favourite holiday, but I digress.

We saw the usual, princess after princess, transformers, cute little witches.
What did my girls dress as, you ask? Why, a flesh eating zombie (complete with blood dripping down the clothes and a half eaten hand) and a vampire. It was great. I couldn't talk Avery into wearing her pj's and housecoat, complete with panda slippers. I thought that would have made the coolest zombie, but what do I know?

After a fun morning of trick or treating/scaring little children, we spent the afternoon making paintbrush Halloween cookies. It was a complete day spent eating sugar, the best kind of day around (mom and kids, someone has to test all the treats and make sure they are safe).

Nothing new on the search side of things

2011-10-20T15:28:00.004-04:00

Guess I'm at a crossroads, not sure what to do next. I am so happy that so many people from Norway have clicked on the link to check out my blog, however, I have no new leads. Not sure how to proceed?

I can't explain how frustrated I feel right now, knowing that Avery has another sister out there. Perhaps they really do not want to be found. Again, I have to say, as an adoptee, I know how important it is to have information about your birth family. It's not like we even have much contact with Avery's birth family anyway. I have really only received 1 direct letter from them. I haven't even had much chance to QQ lately either (been a little busy with my youngest daughter, who is doing so well after her surgery).

However, Avery has a letter from her birth family that explains why she was placed for adoption. We don't have to guess why she left where she was (okay, so in truth, we also now know that she was never left anywhere but taken directly to the orphanage). I don't know why I feel like I have a mission to find this little girl?? So, I will ask again, if anyone out there has any search ideas, please leave a message on my blog or e-mail me.

I have received a suggestion (thank-you W) about contacting media. I'm a little hesitant to use this approach since I'm not so sure the other family would appreciate the attention?? I'm going to have to think about this, interesting idea though.

Any help in the search is appreciated

2011-10-16T18:07:00.000-04:00

These were Avery's referral pictures.

Again, I thank the person who posted my blog address on the Norwegian Forum! I se that my traffic from Norway has increased dramatically. Has anyone adopted from Gao An in the past 6 or 7 years who may have contact with other families who have adopted from Gao An Jiangxi? I'm just not sure how I should be searching (I am no detective, just a mom who really wants to find all my daughter's birth family).Here is the information once again: My daughter's birth sister was born Feb 23 2004 (however, you never know if the orphanage gave the correct birth date to the adoptive family) from Gao An Jiangxi. She was adopted by a family from Norway.My e-mail is blair1849@rogers.com. Any help is much appreciated.

Search information (still looking for my daughter's birth sister).

2011-10-14T20:10:00.000-04:00

EDIT TO ADD: my e-mail address to make it easier if anyone has questions blair1849@rogers.com

Just saw an increase in traffic from Norway. Here is hoping that someone will recognize this information.I won't post the girl's orphanage name on here for privacy reasons but if anyone needs more they can leave a comment.I am looking for my daughter's birth sister who was born February 23 2004. She was adopted from the GAO AN SWI JIANGXI (don't have the date of adoption, but it would probably have been late 2004 or early 2005)?I know that she was adopted by a family from Norway. I understand that this family may want their privacy and not be interested, but I do have some pictures of the birth family for them. Thank-you so very much for whoever posted my blog on the Norweigan forum. I really appreciate any help I can get!

She amazes me everytime

2011-10-14T20:02:00.001-04:00

Nothing like a last second surgery, but you take what they give you (well we do anyway, that obviously isn't the case for everyone since we were not the first family our surgeon's secretary called). Anyhow, we managed to get a babysitter for Miss Avery, pack a bag and get us to Sick Kids by 10:00 Thursday morning. Again, Brennyn went the whole day without food and did not complain once. It's like she knows that she has no choice in the matter (because at home she says she is hungry every half hour, no matter how much she has eaten).She just does what she has to do, without a complaint or crying, complete with Brennyn humour. It's just amazing. The surgery was to seperate her finger and thumb (she has syndactyly) and was 5 hours in length. The Dr. said it would be 5 hours and the man was not kidding. I stayed the night with Brennyn and Daddy went home. Once again the staff at Sick Kids were great. The nurses are so helpful and patient with children and the parents.Speaking of parents, there was 1 family that came in while I was sitting in the surgical waiting room. I counted 33 people, not including the teenage kids that left to go walk around downstairs. It was like I was watching an episode of the Sopranos. Nice to see the support this family had, but thank goodness the waiting room wasn't as busy at that time of the evening (most of the surgeries were long over) or no-one else would have been able to sit down.

This picture was taken about 2 hours after surgery, little monkey was still out cold. She did wake up for a few minutes after surgery, in the recovery, but preceeded to sleep for most of the night after that.

There she is, 13 hours after her surgery. You would never know she just had a major operation, she was cracking jokes with the nurse, blowing kisses to the doctor. Thank goodness she is comfortable at Sick Kids because we do spend a lot of time there! 2 operations down and at least 3 more to go! Crossing my fingers that this operation is a success, we won't know for sure until the cast comes off in 3 weeks.

Surgery tomorrow

2011-10-12T16:59:00.000-04:00

Sick Kids called this afternoon. Brennyn is scheduled for hand surgery tomorrow morning. We always seem to get the last minute booking, but what can you do. You really have to be flexible and accommodating. This surgery is a little more intense than the last surgery, so I am a little more nervous for my baby. She bounced back so quickly last time, I'm crossing my fingers for her.

overdue pictures

2011-10-12T07:49:00.001-04:00

Found these pictures in a file on my computer. Avery's trip to the dentist 6 months ago, she loves her new dentist!

Blair and Avery attended a few of the team Canada soccer matches this year. Here's hoping Canada makes it a little farther in their quest for the World Cup.

The girls and I did a lot of this in the summer. Such a beautiful summer this year, great weather for hanging at the trailer!

2011-10-11T14:23:00.001-04:00

Not the best start to the day, our car was backed into by a giant white pick up truck this morning while we were in the bank. Nothing like having someone knock on the door while we are in a meeting with the bank person saying "so sorry to interupt, but do you own a mazda". You know it's not going to be good news.Oh well, car has been towed and we have a rental for a week. Seriously, who knew a pick up could do that much damage backing up? The hood is squished, headlight smashed and bumper half off. The truck of course, had no damage (it was like a white tank).On an unrelated topic, still no luck on the birth sister search. I think most people imagine I am crazy to even try. I've tried the Rumour Queen forum, a few China adoption forums and e-mailed the Norway adoption agencies.I have had a few very helpful folks e-mail me, some even volunteering to post on a Norwegian chat forum. Nothing from the adoption agencies. It's not looking very likely that I'll find them, but I'll keep trying.

Comments

2011-10-10T07:51:00.003-04:00

For some strange reason it seems people are having a difficult time commenting on my blog (not that many people comment on my good old blog). Not sure why this is?? Any blog experts out there who can help?

Small update to the search

2011-10-06T07:24:00.001-04:00

I am so excited, was on QQ this morning and Avery's cousin messaged me that he had some answers for me. He e-mailed everything I need to know. This search may be possible after all. It's still very, very challenging, but I feel that we have a chance.I have her birth date and her orphanage name. All I can hope for is that this family belongs to one of the many chat groups that exist in the China adoption world!She is also born in February like Avery, actually she is 2 years and 3 days older!EDIT: emailed the adoption agencies in Norway. I'm sure they'll think I'm some kind of nut. I think it's the best chance and I thank the people who were kind enough to send me the e-mail addresses and the names of the agencies.

Frustrating

2011-10-05T18:53:00.001-04:00

I knew the search for Avery's birth sister would be difficult, if not impossible. I mean, we've barely come to terms ourselves with finding Avery's birth family, never mind looking for another member of the family. Yet, I can't stop myself. Not just for Avery's sake (of course I want to find her birth sister so she can have contact) but for this girl. Perhaps her parent's don't want to have a relationship with birth family, perhaps they don't even think it's possible?? Yet, here I sit looking at pictures of the family in China. Wouldn't everyone want that for their child? As I mentioned before, as an adoptee myself, I know how important pictures of your birth family can be. Just to have that chance to see what your biological relatives look like is priceless. I know, some people think it's not important, but trust me, it is. It just takes away that guessing game. That is why I am doing this. I worry about posting on the chat groups, but at the same time, I feel it's my best starting point. I just don't want to put too much out there because this is my daughter we are talking about, and again, as mentioned before, this is her story to tell one day.

2011-10-05T07:32:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to post some pics of my girls. Got a note home from Brennyn's school recommending her for Occupational therapy. Made me feel like parent of the year. Our physio from Sick Kids never mentioned Occupational Therapy so I didn't even realize Brennyn could benefit from this. I filled out the paperwork without even calling the teacher, I was in panic mode. Now that I've had a chance to think about it, I have some questions. For instance, is the occupational therapist coming to the school? Is this going to disrupt Brennyn from class? It's great that they even offer this kind of service through the school, I just don't want Brennyn to feel any more different from the other kids, singled out.

Hi Ho Hi Ho

2011-10-04T13:49:00.000-04:00

It's off to work I go. Going back to work for a few months (in the retail world, it's called CHRISTMAS season). My boss called and asked if I would come back part-time and she would even work around my DH's schedule and Brennyn's Sick Kids appointments. To be honest, we could use a little spare change around here, so I said yes. I really do need to figure out some sort of future career, but this will do for now. The payscale for the world of retail stinks, but I really do love working with people and kind of miss it (a tiny bit). At least I am able to work part-time right now, and not have to rush out and find full-time work, in this lovely economy.

5 year group reunion

2011-10-02T15:57:00.001-04:00

This weekend was our Children's Bridge group 237 and 238 5 year reunion (the technical date of the anniversary is Nov 5th, but this is the day they planned for the party). We have never attended the reunion before, we had been under the impression that the get togethers were more for group 238 (we're 237). I am so happy that we were able to attend this year. I can't describe how amazing it was to see all these families 5 years later. The kids have changed so much, while the adults look exactly the same (okay, so some of us may have a few more gray hairs). We went apple picking, the kids made carmel apples (Brennyn just ate the candy in the dishes while she thought no-one was looking), bounced around in a bouncy castle. It was a great day!

It's finally happened, the words have been spoken

2011-09-29T19:32:00.000-04:00

Yes folks, my 5 1/2 year old has finally uttered the words that every parent just loves to hear "I hate this family". Really, how should one respond to that. I'm tempted to go the sarcasm route myself but that's the way I roll. However, I kept it in check and just calmy said "those are not very nice words to say Avery", followed by "what type of family would you prefer"? To which, Avery responded "one that let's me do whatever I want" (complete with an eye roll). Good luck with that kiddo.As an aside, Avery was upset because Brennyn would not remove her doll from her bed at her bedtime because Avery happened to be in the mood to listen to Brennyn's story at bedtime. Gah, how dare Brennyn not remove her own doll from her own bed so her sister could scam her way into extra stories (Avery goes to bed after Brennyn).

A girl and her dolls

2011-09-29T08:54:00.000-04:00

I have one daughter who loves dolls and princesses and another daughter who thinks dolls are "disgusting and yucky" (truth is, she is petrified of them). Keeps things lively around here. I love that my girls are opposites. Actually, it doesn't really matter what I think, they are who they are!Avery wants to be a zombie for Halloween. I'm all for it. What can I say, you're talking to someone who dressed as a ghost, vampire or dead beauty queen every year. Although, I am not the one who gave her the zombie idea, it was all her Dad (he bought her the plants vs zombie game for Christmas last year, and it's been zombie this and zombie that ever since).

Oh good, I'm rambling again

2011-09-25T09:02:00.003-04:00

I've been QQing a lot with Avery's birth cousin this past month. I've also been added by one of Avery's siblings as well and have had a limited chat (the language barrier makes it difficult). I have been able to learn so much about Avery's birth family, it's surreal. It's just that sometimes I wonder if I'm stepping over the line. They would love for me to hook up the camera so we can speak face to face, and they can speak to Avery. It would only be the cousin speaking and seeing us right now since he is away at school and no where near the family. Also, the family does not have the internet in their village anyway (the sibling is also away at school, but again, we have not had much contact). I am also starting a search for Avery's bio sibling who was also adopted internationally. I have sent her family a letter asking for more information about this other sibling (they seem to somehow know the nationality of the family who adopted her).I know some people may think that I am taking a choice away from Avery by doing this search on her behalf. Maybe I am. However, I also know what it's like to grow up wondering and fantasizing about what your birth family looks like. I still wonder what my birth mother looks like. Do I want to search for her, not really. Yet, I have always wondered what she looks like. I am confident in my feelings that my parents are my family. My mother may not have given birth to me, but she is and always will be my mother. She is my only mother. Yes, someone else gave birth to me, but that does not make her my mother. I guess the word mother means so much more to me. This may sound like I'm bitter, but I'm not. I think my birth mother made the best decision in her situation and I respect her for that. I don't know what her life has been like, or if she even had more children (I assume so, since she was only 17 when I was born). I would love to let her know that I had an amazing life growing up and have a wonderful family. I know, I'm a big walking contradiction because I do feel that Avery's birth family is a part of our family. I don't know how Avery will feel about them when she is older. Maybe I would feel differently if I had an ongoing relationship with my birth family growing up, but I didn't. Maybe I did take away Avery's choices, but she has the one thing most adoptees crave, a picture of her birth family!

Happy Brennyn Day

2011-09-20T15:06:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is Brennyn's second adoption day (we call it Brennyn day around here). Two years since we climbed those stairs into that room and saw her little face for the very first time. She didn't care who was in that room, she was too busy looking at flyers, checking all the people out and exploring. Once I brought that food out, things changed. From that moment on, she has been glued to my side. Sure, she may not have liked me very much that first week, but she figured that I was the one feeding her so I must be okay. Brennyn had a big bruise on her cheek, we never did figure out what it was from (although we think it was from the CWI staff pinching her cheeks to make sure she wasn't keeping food in there). Yes, Brennyn had food issues, we woke up after that first night to find pieces of cucumber and noodles stuck in her gums and cheeks. She ate so fast, we couldn't go out to a restaurant because she screamed if we didn't get the food in fast enough.Not going to lie, it was the hardest 2 weeks of my life, that time in China with Brennyn and a sick husband. We spent many an hour wandering around the streets of Xi'an, just me and a 25 pound 2 year old in the carrier on my back (Brennyn hated the stroller). In the end, I think that time aided our bonding. The memories of the hard times fade quickly, because you are more than worth every second of it. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat, even knowing how difficult it was. You are such an amazing, special child. You light up a room, and make the grouchiest person crack a smile.You have gone through so much in the first 4 years of your life, but you still have such a happy, go lucky personality (most of the time). It amazes me how much you love people. Gosh, you do know how to get into trouble though, you just can't control your curiosity! What can I say Brennyn, we are blessed to have you in our life and to be able to call you daughter! Happy second Brennyn Day!

Too much on my mind

2011-09-19T04:57:00.002-04:00

Or, why or why am I awake at 4:30am. My kids are snug as a bug in a rug and here I am, wide awake. I think I have the opposite of insomnia, I just wake up at crazy early hours. You would think that I could get so much done, waking up so early. I'm trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. You see, once upon a time I graduated (barely, I hate to admit) from University with a major in psychology. My guidance counselor told me to stick to the sciences (which I was actually good at) since there really wasn't much you could do with a psych degree (unless you get your masters at least). A BA just doesn't get you much. The crazy thing is, I would take psychology all over again. I can't help it, I find the subject fascinating. However, my career seems to be sadly lacking.Yes, I am very fortunate to be able to stay home with my children right now, but what am I going to do after? That is the question of the hour. I'm thinking it may be time to go to college? I just have to figure out what I want to be!

2011-09-17T08:07:00.000-04:00

Apparently, I still have no time to blog. Between school and gymnastics, these girls keep me busy. Avery is in her first year of pre-competitive gymnastics, so she has gymnastics Monday and Friday evenings. I pick her up from the bus and we rush over to the gym. She's there for 2 hours. Parents are only allowed to stay for the first 15 minutes and the last 15 minutes (they don't want the kids distracted, I guess). Anyway, yesterday I was watching the older girls practise their floor routines. It's like watching the olympics, wow (okay, so the extent of my gymnastics is a cartwheel, which I didn't master until I was in my 20's). Those kids work hard! Not sure that Avery will be getting to that level, the cost of gymnastics will be dictating her involvement in future years (I've been told that as the kids get older, the price increases dramatically). That, and the fact that she seems to only have eyes for soccer!On the other hand, Brennyn loves gymnastics. She only goes once a week for an hour and the parents get to stay and watch (these kids are there for the fun and exercise). Gymnastics has been great for Brennyn, she has to focus on the task at hand (or you fall off the beam, etc.). Brennyn loves bouncing on the trampoline and doing somersaults. Gymnatics has really helped with her balance and her strength. Sometimes, her coach has her hands full (with Brennyn and another girl who has a very similar fun-loving, non-listening type of personality). Her coach loves her though, Brennyn ran up to her coach last week and gave her a big hug (they don't have gymnastics in the summer, so it was the first day back).These pictures have nothing to do with gymnastics, but they do show Avery's true love!

Mid-Autumn moon

2011-09-11T20:50:00.003-04:00

Happy Mid-Autumn Moon Festival! Once again, we celebrated the festival with our local group of families with children born in China. Every year, I am amazed at how grown up some of the kids look. I keep forgetting that it has been over 6 years since we first met some of these girls (it seems like it was yesterday we were just starting the paperwork to adopt from China). That 7 year old is now 13, not such a little girl anymore. My girls are among the youngest, and I think some of the other families say the same thing about my 2, except it's "remember when she was a baby". Of course, they probably say that about their kids too! Time is a funny thing, seems to speed up the more you want her to slow down!

2011-09-11T08:19:00.001-04:00

My heart broke for my daughter. We were on our way home from a party yesterday with Brennyn (Avery was at Wonderland with her Aunt so she wasn't there) and Brennyn was telling us about her time playing with the other kids. Suddenly she quietly says "the big girls wouldn't let me play in the house". I was surprised and asked what she meant. All the kids had been playing together in the basement.It's funny, because I had said to Blair earlier "do you think I should go down and check on Brennyn"? I feel like I'm like one of those helicopter parents though, so I figured since we knew where the kids were and there was an adult down there, she needed time to play on her own.I don't know if it would have made a difference if I was down there, I'm sure it was bound to happen sooner than later. Kids are kids. Anyway, after we pressed Brennyn about it she said "I'm just too different, so they didn't want me to play". She was so sad! Now, I don't know if any of the kids said that, or if Brennyn just thought of that on her own. I tried to get her to expand, but she was so tired. How we try to shelter our children, but all the while knowing you just can't. I wanted her innocence to last forever, but I knew it couldn't.

First day of school

2011-09-07T19:55:00.000-04:00

Met with Brennyn's teacher in the morning, who happens to be Avery's teacher from last year. She figured out that the girls were polar opposites in the first 5 minutes. Avery never said a word about our family all last year (she didn't say much of anything), Brennyn told her every little thing we did over the summer in a 5 minute conversation!
Avery was happy to say hello to her old teacher though, and to show Brennyn around the classroom.

Got home from that meeting just in time to put Avery on the bus for her first day. Yes, I could have just hung around the school for another hour, but I really wanted Avery to get the bus on her first day back. It's a new bus driver since Avery is going in the afternoons this year.
Brennyn doesn't officially start until the 19th, and she'll be in the morning class.

2011-09-04T16:21:00.001-04:00

Been at the beach, trying to cram as much fun time into this summer as possible. Tuesday is the big day, the end of summer, back to school!

Anyway, been doing more chatting on QQ with Avery's birth cousin. He was able to visit with Avery's family a few weeks ago and took a picture of the whole family. We are forever grateful to this young man, who I'm sure has better things to do than chat with a middle aged Canadian woman (he's in university and says that he is happy to correspond with me so he can practise his english). Still, he doesn't have to take pictures to Avery's family for me, or ask my 500 questions!

I'm trying to decide if I should send a package of some Canadian goodies to him and to Avery's family. I don't want to be pushy. I do know how happy that Avery's birth mom and dad are to get regular pictures.
I know how happy we are to get pictures of them. Avery's sisters are gorgeous, I must add. Avery looks so much like her one sister. It gives me an idea of what Avery will look like in 15 years! Honestly, it's uncanny how much they look alike.

Weekend full of soccer

2011-08-29T07:51:00.001-04:00

I think the girls may be exhausted! Avery played 5 games of soccer in two days. Brennyn played 2 games, and she actually played this time. It took her all season to get on that field and actually kick the ball, but she did it. Sadly, she was also involved in a collision with another little boy and has a huge bruise on her temple (I'd hate to see the other boy's bump, because I am not exaggerating when I say Brennyn has an extra hard skull). Luckily, that was at the end of the game and her coach asked her team to give her a big hug (after we held her for 5 minutes while she screamed at the top of her lungs) and she was so happy!

Avery played in goal for all 5 games. She was amazing. Her team was in third last place at the start of the tournament (only won 2 games all season) but they came together and ended up in the final game. They won 4 out of 5 games and came in second place.
Like I said on facebook, Avery may be small, but she is mighty! Those big girls come running at her with the ball and Avery has no fear, she dives for the ball every time. I was starting to feel stressed for her, but she was awesome!
Most of the girls on her team, aren't really into soccer. There were 3 other girls who had the same love for the game as Avery and they really tried. Trust me, I would have been like the other girls, picking flowers, or daydreaming and kicking the ball the wrong way. It's just nice to see kids having fun and getting some fresh air.
It was also nice to see a team, who was just as happy to come in second place (actually, they would have been just as happy to come in last, the girls just wanted to have fun).

Avery never smiles while in net, so she looks unhappy, but she claims she must concentrate!

2011-08-25T14:27:00.000-04:00

Blair and Avery are at the Science Fiction Convention (just can't make myself go, it's not my thing, although, I do love Star Wars and Dr. Who, Star Trek conventions just don't do it for me) today in Toronto, so it's just Brennyn and I hanging out.

Let's see, so far we've walked to Dairy Queen for a blizzard, hit up the local dollar store for a treat and bought some fresh corn and a giant steak for dinner. We've also ran up and down some hills for fun and now are going to hang around in the back yard and maybe blow some bubbles.

How quickly buildings can be destroyed

2011-08-22T09:56:00.000-04:00

The beautiful town that we always visit when staying at the trailer has been damaged. A tornado ripped through the town of Goderich yesterday afternoon, destroying large parts of the downtown circle. I am in shock, looking at the pictures of the devastation. Just a month ago we were sitting in the park eating our ice cream cones, now that park is covered by tree limbs, cars and other debris.

I just can't believe how quickly a storm can blow in and destroy everything. We've often watched the clouds building over the lake, and I'm sure everyone thought it was once again, just blowing over. Not this time, unfortunately.

My thoughts go out to the people of Goderich Ontario and to your beautiful town.

2 weeks until school starts

2011-08-21T12:49:00.000-04:00

Both girls will be in school this year. Avery seems excited about going back, I just hope we've worked enough on the talking to other kids situation. She's had a few playdates over the summer and she's had no problems, she's even said hello to a little girl at the park (trust me, this is huge).

Brennyn, well, she won't have any problems in the speaking department, it's the sitting still and listening area that has me concerned.
I'm really starting to get worried. I know teachers are used to dealing with children who may have learning/behavioural issues (not saying Brennyn has this, but we are starting to wonder).
She just has a difficult time doing what someone asks (I know, what child doesn't). With Brennyn, she gets distracted and curious about everything else she honestly can't stay still (unless it's to eat).
I love my daughter and I really do love this about her personality. It's who she is. She is the most loving, funny, outgoing kid but it can be frustrating.
Time outs don't work, taking toys/privilages away doesn't work (she just forgets about the toy and moves on to something else, bribery doesn't work (not that I ever bribe my children, never, okay, maybe once or twice), consequences don't work. She just gets into the moment of an act and it's like she can't help herself (for example she ripped up a book, and when we asked why she would do that she said "I wanted to").

Let's just say it's going to be a very interesting year!!

My new favourite Doctor

2011-08-19T21:05:00.000-04:00

Love, love, love Brennyn's new dermatologist. Yes, we only saw her for 5 minutes but she was so down to earth and very knowledgeable. We always spend most of out doctor visit with the residents/med students, Sick Kids is a teaching hospital after all. In our case, the actual doctor always corrects the resident because nobody has ever seen a case like Brennyn's so the poor residents have no chance.

This doctor actually knew so much about Ectodermal Dysplasias and even seemed to have an understanding of what Brennyn has. Honestly, she spelled more out for us than anyone has thus far. I almost had tears come to my eyes, I just finally felt like someone understood.

Of course, as usual, all the doctors working in the dermatology department came in to take a look at Brennyn when we were finished the appointment. Our doctor asked our permission and explained how unique Brennyn's syndrome is.
I still feel kind of weird about this, but I also understand that this is how the medical profession teaches and learns. I just hope Brennyn won't feel like some kind of circus side show, with everyone wanting to look at her hands, teeth and skin.

Oh, and Brennyn was her usual charming self. Although, she did ask one doctor "why are you so dark, and black". I think I kept calm, trying to explain that everyone has different skin colours, you know like we've talked about".
The doctor kindly explained the same thing to Brennyn and the two of them talked forever. Brennyn has a new best friend (seriously, the doctor thought Brennyn was hillarious).
One thing about Brennyn, she says it like it is, and really does not have a filter. I really don't think this will change either. She is who she is!

more pictures

2011-08-18T18:27:00.000-04:00

Sick Kids again

2011-08-17T06:59:00.000-04:00

We finally have our appointment with the dermatologist at Sick Kids on Friday. This is the specialist I've really been waiting to see. I hope he/she can provide us with a magic cream that will take away Brennyn's "itchies". Trust me, I've tried them all. I'm also going to ask if there is something besides Benedryl to help with her nighttime episodes. Sometimes Brennyn wakes up in the middle of the night crying because she is so itchy. I think she has had some sort of nightmare before this happens and she reacts by feeling itchy.

We have noticed that when she gets upset at anything, she gets itchy. Brennyn will be crying about her sister (for example) and the next thing she will be crying because she's itchy.

Brennyn also has white patches on her face/arms/back. Most people who have ADULT syndrome (not that there is much research to go by, since the amount of people who have ADULT syndrome is in the 100's throughout the world) have freckling, but I think Brennyn has developed the patching of her skin instead (she doesn't have a single freckle).

I just hope we can find the best cream to take away the itchies!

2011-08-16T14:36:00.001-04:00

Been hanging around the park all summer!

2011-08-15T19:43:00.001-04:00

Uploaded some pictures and what did I discover, someone has been playing with mommy's camera again. Although, I think she had an accomplice this time.

2011-08-09T18:47:00.000-04:00

I think I'm having writer's block, well except I'm not a writer. I've started countless posts only to erase them after 1 sentence. Not that there isn't a lot going on around here, I just don't feel like blogging about it.

I have joined QQ (chinese version of facebook) and have been chatting with one of Avery's birth cousins. He has been so gracious in answering my 500 questions about Avery's birth family and he has also passed on my messages to Avery's birth father.
In turn, I think I'm helping him with his English. I really don't have the hang of QQ at all, but I can manage the chat part.

The girls have been enjoying their summer, although Avery really wants winter to come back. She really does not like the heat and misses the snow. I still find it amusing that my mid-southern Chinese girl loves the cold Canadian winters.
Brennyn, on the other hand, is not a fan of winter or really a fan of the hot summers. She`s more of a spring or fall kind of a girl!

My kids are growing up

2011-08-06T08:32:00.000-04:00

For the first time ever, Brennyn said she didn't want to hold my hand. We were walking on one of the local paths yesterday and I went to grab her hand like normal and she turned to me and said "no mommy, I don't want to hold your hand. I'm a big girl".

Yes you are, but to me you'll always be my little girl!

2011-08-05T08:59:00.002-04:00

It's amazing what fun you can have with an empty suitcase!

random pictures

2011-07-30T07:53:00.001-04:00

Blair finally sent me all the pictures we've (by we, I mean Blair, since for some crazy reason he doesn't like me to "borrow" his toys) taken over the year on his blackberry.

Sometimes it's hard not to laugh

2011-07-28T22:07:00.000-04:00

Kids, it cracks me up, the words that come out of their sweet little mouths. I guess I should clarify, sometimes those words aren't always nice but it's still hard not to laugh.

Avery was trying on some 3D glasses, turned to me and said "Mom, I can't see you, I'm blond".

Brennyn's latest "I can't do it right now, I'm too busy" (usually said after I've asked her to tidy up her toys).
Brennyn's other favourite "oops, I made a mistake".

Okay, so this may be TMI but Brennyn shouted from the bathroom "Daddy don't come in here, it stinks, use my bathroom instead". How considerate!

Another Brennyn moment (have to set the scene, Blair had just scolded Brennyn for something and she did not like that) "Daddy, I hope you eat mushrooms (she knows Blair does not enjoy mushrooms) and get sick". Sure, some people may think these is a little morbid, but she was crying and pausing while she said it, like she was thinking of how this sentence should be phrased. She was also very mad at Daddy.

Avery looked at me over breakfast one morning and said "I really wish I could see how other people see" "like what they see out of their eyes".

To move or not to move

2011-07-26T18:54:00.000-04:00

Last year we really considered selling our house, even had a few real estate agents come in. Originally, my idea was to move closer to the girl's school. We found out that the builder of our house, was building homes a few streets over from the school. I was all set to put our house up for sale, until I saw the prices for lots that backed onto the forest. Needless to say, I said no thanks. The prices of the new homes were really crazy as well.

We're spoiled right now, because although we back onto a major road we have a mini forest seperated us from that road. Eventually, someone is going to build behind us, but they still have to leave the treeline (and we've lived here for almost 9 years and no dirt has been turned). We do know that there is another subdivision slated behind the houses at the end of our street but not that stops 3 houses down from us.

Anyway, we gave up on the house idea until this spring when we saw the perfect house come up for sale. We went to see this house, but it had an offer on it and we just didn't feel ready at that time.

Again, another builder is starting to clear land closer to the girl's school again. There really isn't much green space where these homes are going and the builder has not listed prices yet. I guess I'm getting the itch again.
However, I am not working right now. We'd have to sell our price for a certain number and take out a 25 year mortage to keep our payments the same as they are now (luckily, our house has gone up in value in the 9 years since we purchased). We are almost down to a 15 year mortgage, so it I'm not so sure going back to a 25 year mortgage is a good idea.

Sometimes, I wish someone could just say, yes it's a great investment or no don't be crazy. I mean, our house now is good. We love, love our backyard. I just don't love that our street is so busy and my kitchen is so small. We'd also love a 2 car garage, but maybe we're just getting greedy. We went from a townhouse to this house and just lucked in that it was on a woodlot (it was a spec home, so we didn't have to pay extra for the lot, although, I am sure it was somehow built into the price).
Our house design is severly lacking in closet space. In fact, we only have the coat closet and the closets in the bedrooms. Our lovely, unfinished basement is our storage area. I guess I never noticed this fact before I had children. Maybe that's just how they make houses these days??

Anyway, this post is more for my own thought process.

Hot weather brings crazy storms

2011-07-25T18:19:00.000-04:00

Finally had some much needed rain yesterday. It amazes me that although this spring was almost record breaking with the amount of rainfall, now we are in a dry spell.
Sometime in the middle of the night I awoke to loud, sonic booms of thunder. A few minutes later, Brennyn woke up in a panic. She was crying hysterically. Now, she has never been a fan of storms, but this was something new. She was terrified. Had to have her crawl in my bed for the rest of the night and rub her back until she fell back asleep (Blair was on nights, so luckily I had the bed to myself).

Avery woke up this morning oblivious to any storm, but a tad jealous that her little sister slept in mommy's bed! I was so like Avery when I was little, nothing woke me up once I was sawing logs (we lived in the country when I was a kid, and one night someone stole a car and set it on fire in the field across the road. My mom said there were fire trucks, police cars, etc. all with sirens blaring, but I never heard a thing).

That sound sleeping ability seemed to vanish at the exact time I became a mother! Unfortunately, my grumpiness at early hours in the morning has only expanded. Let's just say I would not be a great shift worker!

Brennyn (when not frightened) is very cheery no matter what time of the night it is. She's always ready for a pj party. Avery is a little more like me, and she can be very grumpy if she hasn't had enough sleep.

Here's hoping for some rain tonight, but minus the thunder and lightening.

2011-07-22T19:54:00.001-04:00

My brother bought the girls their most exciting gift, a slip and slide. Avery has spent hours on it, or should I say would spend hours on it, but we are having water restrictions around these parts due to global warming (I mean, the heatwave).
Brennyn likes to walk on it, very, very carefully. Sometimes (most of the time) Brennyn is a crazy daredevil, with some things she is ultra cautious (usually anything involving water, which I think is a good thing).

More pics of the girls enjoying their swingset. I have discovered that the odds of getting both girls to look at my camera at the same time is decreasing as they get older and bored of having their picture taken.

HEAT WAVE

2011-07-21T16:07:00.001-04:00

Why oh why did we not stay at the lake for another day? That's right, my poor husband has to work tomorrow. Hmm, at least he has air conditioning at his work (except when he's on a call in his dark blue, heat attracting uniform). It's actually 35 degrees right now, yikes. Once again, I am reminded that it's my fault we don't have air conditioning (I said "we don't need air, I never had it growing up, so we just don't need it". Jokes on me).

Had a great week at the trailer. Spent hours in the lake, Avery is starting to swim finally. She loves the water! Brennyn likes the water as long as it's calm. Unfortunately, Lake Huron is known for it's winds and waves making it lots of fun for everyone but Miss Brennyn. She got one wave near her face and it was all over for her.

We also enjoyed some time in Goderich (nearest town to the trailer), had some giant ice cream cones, played in the park, walked along the boardwalk (don't know why we haven't done this yet, we've been going to the trailer for 7 years and this was the first visit to the boardwalk).

We're always so sad to leave the trailer/lake!

On Vacation

2011-07-17T08:29:00.000-04:00

Off to the beach for a few days, the water, sunshine and sand are calling my name.
Girls are excited, they love the beach and trailer. It's so nice to get away from the TV, computer and telephone. Although, we do bring the laptop to play a movie or two for the girls in case it rains or we need a distraction.

Another visit to Sick Kids

2011-07-14T22:00:00.000-04:00

Long, long day today at Sick Kids. Once again, Brennyn was such a great sport. I cannot believe how well she behaves at the hospital, I don't know what it is about doctors but she charms them all! I'd love to say she behaves that well everywhere else, but well, I can't.
On a side note, we really are starting to think she has ADD or something like that. This girl has an amazing ability to not sit still or concentrate. It's like she just sees too many things to explore and look at.

Anyway, that's another post for another day.
Back to Sick Kids: Today's visit was to the ophthalmology department, and that is one busy place. I've never seen anything like it, so many children with so many different eye issues.

The student eye doctor (at sick kids, you usually see a resident first which I think is great) was very interested in Brennyn's syndrome. She has read up on ADULT syndrome, but never seen a case. I mentioned that the genetics department had never seen a case before either, and she said "that's because the chances of having this particular syndrome are 1 in a million". Umm, I knew it was rare, but I did not realize how rare. She asked my permission to look at Brennyn's hands, teeth etc. I didn't mind, but I'm starting to think that Brennyn is going to mind in the future. I don't know how happy she is going to be that all these doctors/students want to examine her, like she is a living case study.

Anyway, I was hoping this visit would be a one-time thing and we'd be sent back to our regular, amazing optometrist. However, I am also aware how lucky we are to only live an hour away from all these great specialists. Needless to say, Brennyn's vision is great (so far) but she has dry eyes which are likely to get worse as she ages (kids don't notice the affects of dry eyes, unless it gets really bad, but adults do).
To make a long story short, we have a brand new eye doctor.

Next visit to Sick Kids is in 3 weeks and this time we will be seeing the dermatologist. I wish we could have seen him first, Brennyn's skin is so itchy. I hope he has the magic cream to cure her itchies away.

2011-07-13T07:07:00.000-04:00

I'm overdue for a post, but it's summertime. We've had a lot going on around these parts.
We finally had Brennyn's baptism, had a visit to Canada's Wonderland, Avery started her first Day Camp and we've spent some time at the trailer and have been relaxing.

Sisters

2011-07-07T10:26:00.002-04:00

Avery really wants to dress like "twins" these days, so I bought the girls matching dresses. Brennyn is so easy going, that she doesn't care what she wears (most of the time). Avery was so delighted to dress the same on Brennyn's birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

2011-06-30T20:23:00.001-04:00

July 1st is not only a birthday for Canada, but also for a very special little girl.

HAPPY FOURTH BIRTHDAY to our sweet, lovable, cuddly, brave and curious Brennyn. I hope you will always be so optimistic, happy and trusting.

You are getting so, so big (as you like to tell every person we meet)!

We love you so very much, and are so happy proud and blessed that you are our daughter.

End of school

2011-06-27T19:35:00.002-04:00

Avery has 3 more days left of Junior Kindergarten. It feels like it was yesterday when she was waiting at that bus stop for the first time, in September.
She also will get her first ever report card tomorrow, Avery doesn't even know what a report card is.
Avery is just excited that school is almost over. She wasn't a big fan. The learning part was great, I think socially, things were a little difficult for her. Here's hoping next year is a little easier for my girl.

EDIT: The top photo was from the first day of school, and the bottom is from the last day!

2011-06-20T21:31:00.002-04:00

Love the hand on hip pose.

Who knew how difficult it would be to get 2 girls to look at a camera at the same time (or even sit still together). Brennyn was trying to give her favourite sister a hug. Her favourite sister, isn't so into hugs these days..

The water was freezing, but that didn't stop Avery, she thought it was just perfect for swimming! Too bad mommy wasn't crazy enough to go in with her, so she was stuck hanging in the surf (she had a blast).

Technology amazes me

2011-06-16T13:12:00.000-04:00

Or I should say, the internet amazes me. I was googling Brennyn's genetic syndrome (there isn't much out there, let me tell you) when I came across a scientific case study completed in Guangdong, China. The author/researcher completed a paper on a patient suspected of having ADULT syndrome (they aren't able to do the genetic DNA testing in China at this point in time, so they can't without a doubt prove that this person has the syndrome). The paper states that this patient is the first known case of ADULT syndrome in China (although, I am sure there are more, but the people affected wouldn't know they have it).

I decided to e-mail the author of the study, assuming that I would never hear back. Firstly, the study was published in 2006, secondly, the Scientist/Doctor lives in China.

You can imagine my surprise when, 2 days later I got a response. Have I mentioned how much I love the internet/e-mail/technology!!
He mentioned how rare her syndrome is, and if his research could help in any way to let him know. On the flip side, he is also trying to learn as much about this syndrome as well.

Chilling in the back yard

2011-06-15T19:59:00.002-04:00

Avery found her long lost goggles, as you can see in the picture. Both girls love their swingset. Blair found it at the end of someone's driveway and he spent a week sanding/painting and repairing it. That set doesn't owe us anything. I'm not kidding, the girls spend hours on it!

Overdue pictures

2011-06-12T21:07:00.000-04:00

Third dentist in 1 year

2011-06-11T09:19:00.000-04:00

Second visit to Sick kids this week! This time we dragged Grandma down to the big city with us. We met with the pediatric dentist yesterday.

First, we saw the dental student (not sure if student is really the correct term, because she was a dentist but must have been doing a residency in pediatric dentistry). Anyway, she thought Brennyn's teeth looked really good (since the 6 cavities had already been filled by our dentist). Yes, she does have enamal problems and her teeth are a different shape but they looked nice and clean, etc. She thought that we could just continue to see our regular dentist. However, she had to run out to double check with the dentist on staff, which should only take a minute (guess that means her preceptor). 15 minutes later, the staff dentist came in and re-examined Brennyn. Again, she said her teeth looked good, all things considered. She asked again why Brennyn was referred to Sick Kids. This time, she said that it was up to us, but Brennyn does meet the requirements to become a patient there. We could continue to see our dentist if that was easier and be referred back to Sick Kids when (and if) there is a problem. I decided that, yes, it's a long drive just to see a dentist every 6 months, but it's worth it for Brennyn's health. For them to offer her a spot at the sick kids dental department, made my answer easy. Yes, Brennyn has another new dentist.

Last day of Teddy Bear school

2011-06-09T13:19:00.002-04:00

Who knew I'd get all choked up at Brennyn's Teddy Bear school graduation.
I think part of it was that my baby is going to be starting Kindergarten next year. Also, Avery went to the same program for 2 years and Brennyn 1 year, I'm very sad that my children are finished.
The teacher was asking if we'd have more children, because she will miss our kids. We will miss her, that's for sure. I can't say enough good things about this program, what an opportunity for the high school students and for the "little buddies".

It was so cute watching all the little ones singing their songs with the big buddies. Brennyn was more concerned about the cupcakes and snacks after, but she still managed to sing a song or two!
I really, really wish I had thought to take a picture of her with cupcake icing all over her face, it was so cute. She was covered from her nose to her chin!

Soccer

2011-06-03T07:46:00.002-04:00

Some of the pictures may be blurry (it's hard to take a picture of a constantly moving, laughing child).

I guess I must love that one picture so much because I posted it twice!!

Beach season is here again

2011-06-02T10:41:00.000-04:00

Not exactly swimming weather yet, but perfect sandcastle building conditions.

Oh, and don't these two look sweet hugging each other. Wait, don't be fooled, Avery is in the process of picking her sister up (even though Brennyn weighs 2 pounds more).

2011-06-01T19:19:00.001-04:00

I've been thinking about this post for a long time.
Our spunky, cuddly, beautiful, and curious daughter, Brennyn was adopted from the China waiting child program.
Her original "special need" in the referral package from china was listed as syndactyly, polydactyly and missing digit.
The diagnosis from Canada is slightly different (and I'm being sarcastic because it's very different). She has syndactyly and cleft hand, along with a genetic disorder called ADULT: Acro-Dermato-Ungual-Lacrimal-Tooth syndrome(a form/combination of ectodermal dysplasia). I have no idea where the polydactyly came from because there are no extra digits.

Now, they certainly would not have suspected a genetic syndrome like this in China, because the number of people with ADULT syndrome in the world is in the 100's (if that many). Brennyn is Toronto Sick Kids first patient with this syndrome. The Geneticist did not seem to think she had this, until the DNA/blood test results came back from the lab in the USA.

I'll admit it, I am so thankful that Brennyn is here in Canada. How would she have been medically treated in China?? Would she have been able to see a dentist at all? A skin specialist and optometrist? What would her life have been like? We are lucky to have great medical care here in Canada. However, not everything is covered such as skin treatments, dental work (we have a great dental plan though), some medical treatments and prescriptions (again, good work medical plan). I often wonder if someone in her birth family has this condition, the odds are 50% that one of her parents has some form of this syndrome. They probably don't even have a diagnosis!

I am also thankful that my agency was able to prepare us that there was more to Brennyn's referral and medical information than what was specified. Our agency has been given a bad rap lately (and I'll be the first to admit it is for a darn good reason) but their Waiting Child co-ordinator was great. She was there for us while in China, and she was there for us when it was time to make that initial decision. She did not pressure us in any way to say yes or no to Brennyn's referral. In fact she told me in no uncertain terms that she was there to find this child a home, the right home and that there were a lot of unknowns with her medical info.
She wouldn't even let us see her referral pictures at first. We were only given her medical information to read over.
She also put us in touch with a doctor at CHEO (in Ottawa) who answered our many, many questions to the best of her ability (and even passed the medical info to a few other specialists at CHEO). In the end, I did ask to see her picture before we made our decision.
I will also admit that we did take some time to make our decision (this was back when our agency was given individual lists of children's files from the CCAA).

Is it going to be an easy road for my daughter, No. She has at least 3 more hand surgeries to go through, countless appointments with 4 different specialists and the unknowns of having a syndrome that no-one seems to know that much about. She is going to have to miss a lot of school as well over the next few years for medical appts. and operations.

I just hope she knows how much we love her for who she is. She is the spunkiest, crazy kid around and I love her personality. She charms everyone she meets. Don't get me wrong, she can be challenging at times (like when I can overhear the gymnastic coach saying "Brennyn, if you don't stop XYZ, you're going in a time out" for the tenth time), but I don't want her to change at all! I am so very lucky to be the mother to this little girl. She is so curious about everything, and just wants to explore the world. She doesn't care if you are a kid, adult, animal, she wants to hang out with you and make you happy! She has such a big, happy heart!

The sun came out

2011-05-31T06:16:00.000-04:00

It was a beautiful, warm and sunny day yesterday. We could actually wear shorts again! It's been a very (and I mean very) rainy spring this year. The girls were so excited to visit their favourite park, the duck park with their friends. My friend has 2 children the same age as my girls (girl Avery's age and a little boy). Avery spend the afternoon playing with the little boy. She loved his bulldozer and trucks. The little boy has always loved Avery (it's so cute, he loves to follow Avery around). I am just happy when Avery plays with someone because usually she does her own thing. Although, she has never had a problem playing (bossing) her little friends around when they are on her turf! At school, she still does not talk to any of the other kids. Her teacher told me that some of the kids asked if Avery could speak! She still thinks Avery will grow out of it. I'm still concerned!

2011-05-27T12:36:00.003-04:00

I'm behind on posting, yet again.
Busy with the girls! Brennyn has her first ever soccer game tonight and Avery's season opener is tomorrow.
Pictures to come.

UPDATE: It may have been cool and rainy, but the kids didn't care. They had a blast. Brennyn laughed non-stop, running up and down the soccer field. I think she thought the goal of the game was to catch the other kids, who cares about that ball. It is always so cute to see the little ones at their first soccer game. Nobody has a clue what's going on, they are more concerned about snack and playing. I love it!

2011-05-19T07:30:00.001-04:00

Avery's class is going to the Elmvale zoo in a few weeks. The note came home in her backpack yesterday asking for parent volunteers. Avery, who really does not handle change well, found out that she has to go to school for the whole day (she normally only goes half days every day) and bring a lunch.

Avery also found out that Mommy is unable to go on the school trip because Brennyn has an appointment with the pediatric dentist at Sick Kids on that day.

Most children would be so excited about visiting a zoo.
Avery, on the other hand, was not a happy camper. "I'm not going to the zoo, I'm not bringing my lunch. I don't go to school for the whole day, I always come home at lunch time".

Avery is a routine kind of girl, and this trip is throwing her off. She is more worried about having to bring her lunch (she's never had to bring a lunch before). She would rather go to sick kids and sit around all afternoon while her sister waits for her appointment.

It would have been so much easier if I could have volunteered to go with her class, but that can't happen this time (rescheduling Sick Kids appointments really aren't an option). I really want to volunteer at my children's school, but lately, every opportunity has coincided with a doctors visit. It's so hard for a 5 year old to understand why her sister has to see so many different doctors!

Unfortunately for Avery, her mean mommy is going to make her go to the zoo!

I've been reading Rumour Queen again

2011-05-17T10:55:00.002-04:00

I'm feeling a long winded post coming up, so be warned.

As an adoptee and adoptive parent, I feel the need to clarify that we (adoptees) are not one large entitiy. We are individuals, who have our own feelings, ideas, and outlook.
Yet, we are often lumped together, like we should all feel and behave a certain way.

Yes, I did search and find my daughter's birth family. I did not wait for her permission. She was 3 years old when the information that someone knew her birth family was droped in our laps. I could not wait to ask her opinion, the trail was hot.
I don't know if she will resent me for taking another choice away from her, or if she will even want a relationship with her birth family. Frankily, I don't know at this point how she will process being an international adoptee.
All I can do is try and be the best mother I can be to my daughters. I will be there to talk about adoption, and I will often bring up the story of their adoption.
I will introduce her to her birth family, and hope that over time, she develops a relationship with them. Again, I cannot force a relationship on her, that will be up to her.

As I've also mentioned before (and on RQ), it has been worth making the contact with birth family just to have an answer for when Avery asks "Why"? We are also fortunate to have pictures of her birth family. This is something that is priceless to an adoptee (see, even I am guilty of lumping us all into one big category sometimes). Now, Avery doesn't have to wonder what if her birth mom has hair like her, or if she looks like her sisters.

I am sad that it isn' likely that I will find Brennyn's birth family. She may be upset that we did not find her birth family, but we did find Avery's. Again, I can't control this and I am not Brennyn. I don't know how she will process this information.
Ironically, it would have been so helpful to know who her birth family is, just for the genetic aspect alone. I am sure that a member of her birth family has the same genetic syndrome Brennyn does. It is such a rare syndrome, and I bet they don't even know what they have, never mind getting treatment for it.

My brother found his birth family years ago. I barely searched for mine. Yes, I did do a facebook search once I had the name of my birth mother but that was it. I didn't really try.
I wished that my brother would find the peace that he needed when he met his family, but he didn't. I even hoped he would maybe respect my parents more (you would have to know the story of his birth family to understand what I'm talking about).

I've gone on enough about this subject, and I've talked about it before. It's a tricky thing, to be a parent. Always second guessing decisions, trying to make life perfect for our children, and doing the right thing. It's just that we don't always know if it's the right thing.

Also, just because one is an adoptee, doesn't mean we have all the answers either. Different circumstances, different backgrounds, different lives. Yes, we should be open, and able to discuss adoption, just don't put us all in one big category.