Frustrating

I knew the search for Avery's birth sister would be difficult, if not impossible. I mean, we've barely come to terms ourselves with finding Avery's birth family, never mind looking for another member of the family. Yet, I can't stop myself. Not just for Avery's sake (of course I want to find her birth sister so she can have contact) but for this girl. Perhaps her parent's don't want to have a relationship with birth family, perhaps they don't even think it's possible?? Yet, here I sit looking at pictures of the family in China. Wouldn't everyone want that for their child? As I mentioned before, as an adoptee myself, I know how important pictures of your birth family can be. Just to have that chance to see what your biological relatives look like is priceless. I know, some people think it's not important, but trust me, it is. It just takes away that guessing game. That is why I am doing this. I worry about posting on the chat groups, but at the same time, I feel it's my best starting point. I just don't want to put too much out there because this is my daughter we are talking about, and again, as mentioned before, this is her story to tell one day.

Just wanted to post some pics of my girls. Got a note home from Brennyn's school recommending her for Occupational therapy. Made me feel like parent of the year. Our physio from Sick Kids never mentioned Occupational Therapy so I didn't even realize Brennyn could benefit from this. I filled out the paperwork without even calling the teacher, I was in panic mode. Now that I've had a chance to think about it, I have some questions. For instance, is the occupational therapist coming to the school? Is this going to disrupt Brennyn from class? It's great that they even offer this kind of service through the school, I just don't want Brennyn to feel any more different from the other kids, singled out.

Hi Ho Hi Ho

It's off to work I go. Going back to work for a few months (in the retail world, it's called CHRISTMAS season). My boss called and asked if I would come back part-time and she would even work around my DH's schedule and Brennyn's Sick Kids appointments. To be honest, we could use a little spare change around here, so I said yes. I really do need to figure out some sort of future career, but this will do for now. The payscale for the world of retail stinks, but I really do love working with people and kind of miss it (a tiny bit). At least I am able to work part-time right now, and not have to rush out and find full-time work, in this lovely economy.

5 year group reunion

This weekend was our Children's Bridge group 237 and 238 5 year reunion (the technical date of the anniversary is Nov 5th, but this is the day they planned for the party). We have never attended the reunion before, we had been under the impression that the get togethers were more for group 238 (we're 237). I am so happy that we were able to attend this year. I can't describe how amazing it was to see all these families 5 years later. The kids have changed so much, while the adults look exactly the same (okay, so some of us may have a few more gray hairs). We went apple picking, the kids made carmel apples (Brennyn just ate the candy in the dishes while she thought no-one was looking), bounced around in a bouncy castle. It was a great day!

It's finally happened, the words have been spoken

Yes folks, my 5 1/2 year old has finally uttered the words that every parent just loves to hear "I hate this family". Really, how should one respond to that. I'm tempted to go the sarcasm route myself but that's the way I roll. However, I kept it in check and just calmy said "those are not very nice words to say Avery", followed by "what type of family would you prefer"? To which, Avery responded "one that let's me do whatever I want" (complete with an eye roll). Good luck with that kiddo. As an aside, Avery was upset because Brennyn would not remove her doll from her bed at her bedtime because Avery happened to be in the mood to listen to Brennyn's story at bedtime. Gah, how dare Brennyn not remove her own doll from her own bed so her sister could scam her way into extra stories (Avery goes to bed after Brennyn).

A girl and her dolls

I have one daughter who loves dolls and princesses and another daughter who thinks dolls are "disgusting and yucky" (truth is, she is petrified of them). Keeps things lively around here. I love that my girls are opposites. Actually, it doesn't really matter what I think, they are who they are! Avery wants to be a zombie for Halloween. I'm all for it. What can I say, you're talking to someone who dressed as a ghost, vampire or dead beauty queen every year. Although, I am not the one who gave her the zombie idea, it was all her Dad (he bought her the plants vs zombie game for Christmas last year, and it's been zombie this and zombie that ever since).

Oh good, I'm rambling again

I've been QQing a lot with Avery's birth cousin this past month. I've also been added by one of Avery's siblings as well and have had a limited chat (the language barrier makes it difficult). I have been able to learn so much about Avery's birth family, it's surreal. It's just that sometimes I wonder if I'm stepping over the line. They would love for me to hook up the camera so we can speak face to face, and they can speak to Avery. It would only be the cousin speaking and seeing us right now since he is away at school and no where near the family. Also, the family does not have the internet in their village anyway (the sibling is also away at school, but again, we have not had much contact). I am also starting a search for Avery's bio sibling who was also adopted internationally. I have sent her family a letter asking for more information about this other sibling (they seem to somehow know the nationality of the family who adopted her). I know some people may think that I am taking a choice away from Avery by doing this search on her behalf. Maybe I am. However, I also know what it's like to grow up wondering and fantasizing about what your birth family looks like. I still wonder what my birth mother looks like. Do I want to search for her, not really. Yet, I have always wondered what she looks like. I am confident in my feelings that my parents are my family. My mother may not have given birth to me, but she is and always will be my mother. She is my only mother. Yes, someone else gave birth to me, but that does not make her my mother. I guess the word mother means so much more to me. This may sound like I'm bitter, but I'm not. I think my birth mother made the best decision in her situation and I respect her for that. I don't know what her life has been like, or if she even had more children (I assume so, since she was only 17 when I was born). I would love to let her know that I had an amazing life growing up and have a wonderful family. I know, I'm a big walking contradiction because I do feel that Avery's birth family is a part of our family. I don't know how Avery will feel about them when she is older. Maybe I would feel differently if I had an ongoing relationship with my birth family growing up, but I didn't. Maybe I did take away Avery's choices, but she has the one thing most adoptees crave, a picture of her birth family!