Four years it has been since we walked into the temporary civil affairs office in Xi'an China and spotted you playing with some tourist flyers. The nanny tried to explain to you that we were your mama and baba, but you would have none of that nonsense. It wasn't until I pulled out a package of gerber snacks that your attention was instantly upon me (where it has been ever since). Only wish I had known about your food issues ahead of time, but we barreled forward.
You came willingly with us to the van (those snacks were the key) and even to the Wal-Mart to buy diapers (because we were told you were potty trained and had been for a long time, but this, among other things turned out to be far from the truth). We should have paid closer attention to your fear when we first attempted that initial Wal-Mart run. Too many people, too many sounds and too many sights for our sensory sensitive little one.
You ate your first meal with us like there was never going to be any more of this delicious food, and soon passed out on the bed (you were not having any of that crib, probably because you had been out of a crib for the last 6 months).
The next morning you took one look at me, and one look at baba and screamed an unholy, animalistic screech and did not stop for an hour. You continued to scream on and off for the next 2 weeks.
My poor little girl, you were so very scared and overwhelmed. You were also so very sick, and we had no idea until we were home. Parasites and infections, it's a wonder you were still so strong.
We made it through, you and I. It was a struggle, hard on your dad and I of course, but so much harder for you. You make me feel like the luckiest mommy in the whole world sometimes. Other times, well, it still can be a struggle can't it. We try so hard to fit you into a diagnosis, but maybe there just isn't one for you. You are you, my daughter and it is going to be difficult sometimes. However, we are going to always work together!
You are the most amazing child, so brave and loving. You care about other people, you always want to make sure everyone is okay. You say whatever is on your mind, and I find so refreshing, because I am the opposite. You never complain about visiting doctor after doctor. Yes, it does bother you sometimes that other kids ask you about your hands but you always tell them the truth, "I was born this way".
You are an artist my daughter. Even your teacher recognizes your talent, and I find this so remarkable since you are only in grade 1.
Everyone remembers you, wherever you go, simply because you have such a special, generous heart.
I am the lucky one.
