I'm still searching

I have a lot on my mind, just no time to blog about it.

Avery's birth family asked me how the search was going for the other sister. I had to tell them that it wasn't going so well. They, of course, said not to worry about it and thanked me for trying.

I guess I just don't know what I'm doing?? How do you search for someone who may not want to be found! Not everyone is as open about adoption as I am (again, irony because I'm not exactly open about my own adoption and birth family).

I know how many people don't want to find birth family in China. They believe that their children are theirs. I get that, I really do. However, you have to understand that there is another family out there who is a part of that child's life (whether it is unconcious or not).
The birth family may not want contact either (as in my case, or so I believe) but they are still a part of your child's life.

Anyway, once again:
I am searching for a girl who was adopted from Gao An, born Feb 2004 and she probably lives in Norway (her adoptive family was from Norway).

I have pictures and information that I would like to share with this family somehow!

EDIT: Wow, had to edit for some serious spelling errors, yikes. That's what I get for quick posting.

新年快樂

Xin Nian Kuai Le! Happy Year of the Dragon.
Made dumplings yesterday with Avery, Brennyn said she was just too tired to help (even though we made them at 10:00 in the morning, ha ha).
Grandma, Grandpa, Nana and Papa all came over to help us eat our Chinese Feast, complete with almond chicken, beef and shrimp with noodles, sweet and sour pineapple pork and ribs.
I may have spent all day cooking, but it was so worth it. Avery is eating leftovers this morning for breakfast.

Oh, and my girls got a special gift for Chinese New Year, a NO BUS DAY this morning!
I'm off to steam the extra dumplings we had hidden in the fridge!

My winter loving children

Well, one loves winter and the cold, the other puts up with it (when her sister drags her outside for some fun).

Video chat

Who says I'm not computer literate (oh wait, I do). I (with a little help from my husband) managed to hook up a video camera to the laptop and completed our first ever video chat to China and to Avery's birth family. It was a little awkward and emotional all at the same time, and Avery wasn't very into it (not surprising, she is only 5).

However, it was worth it just so they could see Avery's face even if it was only for a moment or two. Brennyn, on the other hand, had no problems jumping into the camera view (again, not surprising). I still don't think Avery can process all this information yet, but I'm trying to keep the lines of communication open (as much as you can with a 5 year old). Once again, I just hope I'm doing all this correctly. I hope this will be what Avery wants when she is older, but I just have no way of knowing that.

EDIT: I've been thinking it over, taking it all in. It makes me realize how much a part of their lives Avery is. You don't forget a child, just because you aren't raising him/her. I have no doubt they (not just her birth mother) have thought about Avery every day and wondered what happened to her. The one comment they made to me today was that Avery looks so happy and healthy. I hope Avery is happy, I am pretty sure she is. I mean, this is all she knows, this life. She doesn't know what it would be like to be living in rural China right now (I don't even really know what that would be like). I don't even know what I'm trying to say here. I just think it's so important that as adoptive parents, we don't turn a blind eye to the birth parents. They are out there and they can even be found sometimes.
Perhaps I am the biggest hypocrite around, because I was initially hestitant about birth parent searches (before we adopted), and I haven't really tried to find my own birth family (my brother found his and I think it scared me off, not a happy ending there). I don't know how all this is going to play out in the future, anything can happen because we are, afterall just human. Mistakes will be made, but we're kind of entering uncharted waters here.

sending a package

I am finally sending the package to China. I meant to send it months ago, and much to my embarrassment Avery's birth family have been checking their mail waiting for this package. I think I overstressed it and wanted to send the perfect package so I hesitated. Now, I'm just sending a new picture of Avery, a few items of clothing for Avery's birth niece and nephews and some candy. I'm sure they just want the pictures of Avery anyway!! I have also finally had a chat with Avery about her birth family. She really does not seem interested right now, but I think she is the type of person who really holds her emotions in. She is a thinker! As I've mentioned before, I really hope eventually, communicating with her birth family will become routine to her, just another aspect of her life. I just hope I'm doing all this the right way. It's so hard to know what the correct choices are, I really hope I'm not contributing to future therapy bills. I guess it's so hard to sometimes not project your own feelings onto what your child may feel.

"she just doesn't know how much I love her". Wish I had a tape recorder, because that is not something Avery normally would say. Hearing my gruff, tough, not very emotional almost 6 year old whispering that to me about her 4 year old sister was enough to make this mama cry.

Don't leave a jar of vaseline in a 4 year old's bedroom

I'm sure you can guess what transpired, and it wasn't a good scene. I was out picking Avery up from gymnastics, but arrive home in time to see Brennyn in her birthday suit telling me that she's getting her pajamas on. Okay, I think, this is good, she's finally getting dressed by herself. Plus, her Dad is up there anyway, so all is good. I get Avery her dinner and finally make my way upstairs. Blair is getting ready for work (and checking e-mails). Brennyn excitedly tells me "I'm putting on my own cream too Mommy". Now, I'm slightly concerned and quickly run into her room. My darling husband is all "don't worry, she's just getting her pajamas on like I told her". Sure enough, she's put her cream on. My brand new jar of vaseline (it's the only thing that works for her skin, and it has to be the original, super greasy vaseline) is now half empty. Brennyn is covered in vasoline, head to toe! Oh, and here is a tip: Do not try and wash vaseline off in a tub! This may be common sense for most people, but not moi. I've had to scrub that tub down 3 times so far, and it's still a slippery, shiny vat of vaseline. You can't say life is dull around here! Oh, and my darling husband is in the dog house.

Medical

I feel like I'm hitting a wall again, when it comes to Brennyn's medical situation. Yes, we have a diagnosis: ADULT Syndrome, a rare form of Ectodermal Dysplasia and we have been referred to all the right specialists. However, nobody seems to be able to tell us what to expect, what to be on the look out for. We visit the specialist, they check Brennyn out, say that they have never actually seen a child with ADULT syndrome and then act like it's not a big deal. Use these steroid creams for her skin, we'll see you again in 3 months. The creams were working, but I worry about the long term effects of steroid cream (the word is that if you use it lightly and only when needed, shouldn't be a problem). What if your child needs the cream everyday because it's the only thing that keeps her from itching her skin until it bleeds?? My poor girl has a rash today and I had to resort to Benedryl (another medicine I don't like to use, but again, she was so itchy, we had no choice). I'm also worried about her teeth. How do we know if her Adult teeth will be okay?? Often people with Ectodermal Dysplasia's lose their teeth early. I'm just a worried Mama, who would give anything to talk to someone else with ADULT syndrome (not many out there, unfortunately). Thank goodness for the NFED (National Foundation for Ectodermal Dysplasia), without that website, I'd be lost. They are an amazing source of information for anyone dealing with an Ectodermal Dysplasia diagnosis. I'm not complaining, we've been so lucky to have an actual diagnosis and to be treated at one of the best Children's Hospitals in the World. It's still hard sometimes, that's all. It's hard when you just want to make your child better. It's hard when you don't have all the answers. It's hard when you don't know how this diagnosis is going to affect (or is it effect, my English skills have gone down the tubes these days) your daughter as she grows older. It's hard when everything seems to be out of your control and you just want answers. Brennyn, on the other hand, is amazing. She never complains, even when her skin is so itchy it's turning red or she has to spend another day at Sick Kids. She is one special little girl, but everyone who meets her knows that!!!

The holidays are over

Brennyn is having a slightly off day today, and it's only 8:00 in the morning. Right now she isn't talking to me "I'm ignoring you Mommy, I only talk to Daddy, Avery, Buda and Duncan cause they are my friends". This response was after she was placed in a time out for yelling at mommy "I want yogurt right now". Looks to be an interesting day today for Brennyn and Mommy! Of course, Brennyn doesn't understand the concept of ignoring (she was showing me something right away and explaining what it was). If only we could hold a grudge like a 4 year old (they forget they are mad after 2 seconds).

Saw this quote on a forum I frequent and I had to copy it. I've always had this idea of how my life would be when I was older. I was going to get married at 25, have my first child by 28 and have 2 more after that, etc. Heck, maybe every kid has those ideals, or their own ideals. One thing you would think I would have learned by now is that you can't map out your life, things happen that may be out of your control. "I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." - Gilda Radner I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring, but I'm hoping I will be able to just roll with it!