This post is not child related, nope it's all about me. Warning, I may babble again.
I am still pondering my decision to search for birth family. I mean my own birth family. I've done the old google search and there is just too much useless info out there. I'd have to sit at the good old computer for hours to possibly find nothing.
I did actually find someone on facebook who had the same name as my birth mother and was from the same town. It took me a week, but I finally got up the courage to send a quick message. However, it wasn't the right person (I had a feeling it wasn't, this person was too young looking in her profile pic.)
I guess receiving a message back ignited some dormant feelings. I feel this need to search now. Yet, I don't think I want to meet this person/people. I think it's more the curiosity to know where you come from, it's all about the genetics. I want to know if I really am of German heritage. Do I have bio siblings?
It's strange, because even though I feel the desire to do this, I don't think of this person as a relative. It's hard to explain. I guess I feel like I have my relatives (and I have a lot of them). I never felt like I wasn't part of my family. I know other adoptees do feel this way, like they don't fit in. My family is my family. Yes, I struggle/struggled when people ask what my background is (oh, and for some reason just saying Canadian doesn't seem to cut it). When I say my parent's are of English/Scottish heritage people say "you don't look English".
Of course, these days the attention is off me. Everyone is more interested in my girls. This is a question Brennyn is going to get for the rest of her life though. With Avery, people know immediately she is Chinese. Brennyn, they ask all sorts of questions and the odd person even says "really, she is from China".
Anyway, see I warned about the babbling.
I guess I am going to search, somehow. I just don't know how to go about it yet. Believe it or not, it was much easier to locate my daughter's birth family in China, but that involved a lot of luck.
Of course I have no way to be in your shoes; however, I do think you should go with your feelings. I think it will be interesting when the girls are older and ask you why you chose or not to search.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about the odd comments, people question us often if M is Chinese--mainly from Asian Americans (and yes, in Chinatown in Toronto too), it really pisses M off. I guess many people buy into stereotypes and/or they are not from a part of China that is as familiar with minorities.
Wishing you the best in your search.
I know you will do what is right for you. I can't even imagine how hard this decision must be for you. And hearing you say that at the end of the day you family is your family and that you always felt part of that family, that really warms my heart. Your parents obviously brought you up in a wonderful way that speaks volumes right now. I read this, and I think to myself, I want to be like them - I want to be that parent that my daughter will say the same thing in the future. You are obviously a wonderful daughter too. Are you an only child?
ReplyDeleteGosh I'm getting all teary eyed!
Anyway, that other point about strangers asking questions about your daughter. I've gotten that a few times too. I've gotten people ask if Lilah is Mongolian. And then I have lots of Chinese friends and they always say how much alike Lilah and I look??! They strongly believe that children, no matter where they come from start to look like the parent because they are brought up in the same environment!
Jill
Thanks Jill. I'm not so sure about the wonderful daughter part, I had my moments, ha ha.
ReplyDeleteI do have a brother, his story is much different from my own. He is not at peace with adoption and never has been. He has found his birth parents, but it wasn't a good ending.
Most people seem to think Brennyn is from Tibet or is biracial.
I'm sorry to hear about your brother...that's too bad. Maybe that is also why you are hesitant. And you have a right to feel scared. It's huge, life changing even.
ReplyDeleteThere are always going to be those daughter moments, whether adopted or biological. My parents could probably write a book on what a wonderful daughter I was...hahaa! NOT! :)
Jill