ramblings of an adult adoptee, part 2

I am about to start rambling again, so be warned! Also, this is just the point of view of one adult adoptee and adoptive parent.

I keep reading blogs, yahoo groups, articles where people talk about ending adoption. This statement really hurts, especially when it comes from an adoptive parent. I was raised by 2 parents who were unable to give birth to a child, placed for adoption by a young teenager who was still in high school. What would my life have been like if there was no adoption? I will never know, however I am very happy with the way it turned out (thus far).
There will always be people who long for a child, but are unable to conceive. Why should they not be given the opportunity to parent a child, because adoption is such a terrible thing.
I just feel that these statements trivialize my life and my children's lives.
I'm not saying that I haven't had issues in my life, of course I have. Would I have issues if I wasn't adopted? I can't answer that question because that is not my life. I am starting to embrace the fact that I am adopted. Do other adoptees? Of course not. As I've mentioned before, everyone is different. We are not one person, one adoptee. We have different life experiences, personalities and traits. Maybe I am too glass half full, but this is how I feel.

I do agree that as adoptive parents, we have to open and willing to communicate with our children. Adoption is not shameful, talk about it! Take the lead from your child, but you may also have to nudge (speaking from my personal experience as a teenager).

Yes, unfortunately there are so many problems associated with adoption, corruption, secrecy, etc. It is the secrecy that creates many issues, again my opinion. Is not idealistic to talk about a world without adoption? Instead, should we not concentrate on making the adoption process better for all involved?

I could go on and on about the subject of adoption, but this is supposed to be my lighthearted family blog!

Time for more pictures

Is it bad that pictures sit on my camera for weeks at a time? Oh well, I've finally downloaded (or is it uploaded) about 100 pictures.

Brennyn's new favourite word is "MINE". She says it with gusto! I think she's heard her sister say it so often that it comes naturally.
Speaking of Avery, I will say (although I'm probably jinxing myself) that she is much better with Brennyn. I dare say she even likes her mei mei, and helps her out sometimes. Avery was very excited that she taught Avery to say "tummy", that and mom bum. She really wants Brennyn to play with her all the time now, but unfortunately Brennyn isn't that interested all the time (her attention span is still a little short and her sister does have a tendency to be bossy).

The weather was very mild for January in Ontario and we pulled out the bike. Had to snap a few pics of Avery in her marshmallow man snowsuit on the trike. Didn't slow her down a bit!
Have to add that the weather is back to normal now, and I'm looking outside to a lovely snow squall.

I have to say that Sick Kids Hospital is an amazing facility. The doctor and his team were so great with Brennyn.
Brennyn did so well, and it was such a long day. I think she was getting a little tired of people touching her hands though; 2 interns, 1 surgeon, a physio therapist and the x-ray tech. She didn't cry once, she charmed everyone and stole the pens right out of their pockets.
As an aside, still have a few attachment issues with Brennyn for sure, although part of it is her personality. She is just too friendly with everyone, climbing right on the doctors lap. We are working on the attachment but it is an ongoing process for sure!

Anyway, we did come away with an official diagnosis (which was said like this "oh by the way, her the official condition is ...."). We didn't get much time to talk about the diagnosis and I will be asking him on our next visit. I do believe we will be seeing a lot of this doctor in the future.
Again, I am very at ease with who will be operating on my daughter, and feel that we are so fortunate to live so close to such a well respected and inspirational hospital.

new obsession

This may seem strange, my husband thinks I'm a tad obsessed. I am trying to discover what ethnic minority my daughter is. I am 99% sure Avery is Han Chinese, but I am also 100% certain that Brennyn is not.
I think that it is important to discover this kind of information about my child.
This obsession could stem from the uncertainty of my roots. Sure, the paperwork my mom was given says that 3 of my bio-grandparents were German and one was English but how do I know how accurate that info is??
It has created this need to discover the roots of my children. I really don't think that is a bad thing.
The picture was from Christmas, Grandpa and his girls.

Finally, we have our appointment booked at Sick Kids. They called today and said the delay was due to them not having Brennyn's health card number. Somewhere there must have been a mix up, because our Dr. office called them 21/2 months ago with Brennyn's number.
Oh well, water under the bridge, because we go next Tuesday. My mom will come up the night before to stay with Avery since we have to leave O'ville at 5:00am (have to get ahead of the traffic, Toronto is only an hour away normally). Brennyn won't be a happy camper that day, she is not an early bird (loves her sleep).

It is such a relief to have this appt. booked and to know that the surgeon we will be seeing is apparently one of the best. Yes, I did go*gle him.
My heart breaks for the difficult road my little girl has to travel. If I could take away her pain I would in a heartbeat, because this is going to hurt.

Hives, hives oh my

We ordered in some pizza last night for a treat, since Tuesday is busy night with Mandarin class, etc.
Avery kept mentioning that she was itchy. She wasn't eating her pizza, and this should have tipped me off because that girl loves her pizza. However, again being the good mommy I am I said something along the lines of "stop fooling around and eat your food". This went on for 5 minutes and I swear I thought she was playing a game. In my defense, Avery has suddenly become Miss picky pants at dinner and lunch time. She plays around with Brennyn, the dogs, anything but eat.

Suddenly, Blair and I noticed some spots forming under her eye. I took her shirt off and her arms were bright red. Her face seemed to be expanding before my eyes. I was calm under the pressure, NOT. Blair was all, "just relax, it's just an allergic reaction". "Maybe you should grab my stethoscope".
Brennyn just sat in her chair, eating her pizza.

Avery was a tad alarmed, but she just wanted to check out her face in the mirror.

Thank god we had the Benadryl we bought for our China trip. Worked it's magic in minutes.
However, Benadryl does not make Avery sleepy. I have never seen anything like it. She was a mad woman. Jumping around the house, running after the dogs, talking a mile a minute. As I said on facebook, she was like the energizer bunny on speed! It does have a warning mentioning excitability as a possible side effect. They aren't kidding.

If I wasn't so panicked I would have taken some photos. Oh, and I have no idea what caused the reaction. I don't know if it was the pizza, laundry detergent???

It was my 35th "Dayna's day" on Dec 30th (the term my family has always used for adoption day, just interchange the name). I forgot all about it until my mom called to once again tell me all about the day I was adopted. I love that about my mom, that she still wants to discuss that day. How they got the call about an 8 month old baby who they should come and see. They had no-one to discuss their decision with, and apparently I was one funny looking baby. My muscle tone was very weak, and the person at Children's Aid thought I may have been developmentally delayed. My parents went for lunch after meeting me to make that life changing decision. Just have to my mom discovered a few years later that I had been in a foster home with people who believed in swaddling. They didn't want me to move around at night so I was tightly bound. I have a funny feeling that I was perhaps left lying around a lot, therefore not much stimulation of my leg muscles.
Of course as a young kid I didn't want to hear that story for the millionth time, although they did leave out the part of having to decide over lunch (until I was an adult). Maybe I just didn't want to be singled out in any way? Maybe I just didn't feel like I was adopted. I'll admit it, I still don't.
I have always felt that my parents are my parents. Sure I was curious about what my biological family looked like, but all I wanted was a picture. I really don't have a desire to meet them, search them out.
Ironically, I'd do anything to find out information about my daughter's bio family. I guess I'm just a bundle of contradictions.
I don't know how my daughters will feel about searching for birth family. I always try and tell adoptive parents to remember that you can't lump all adopted kids in one nice tidy ball. We have all had unique life experiences and that does affect one's outlook on life. Also, your feelings are not static. As we mature, often how we view life changes.
My brother has met his bio family. He always had that need. Was it a good experience, NO. Oh, how I wished for him that it would have been a positive meeting. Nobody would believe his story, it sounds like it's out of a novel. The good thing that did come out of his meeting is that we found out some history which has helped explain some of his behaviour. It's also enabled him to finally get some help!

I just felt the need to say what's been on my mind. This is all just my humble opinion!

3 months

What a difference 3 months can make. Brennyn has come so far in such a short amount of time.
Daddy has even seen success on the potty training front! Have to give credit where credit is due. I was prepared to wait until spring to even start, but Blair dragged that potty out from the basement and voila!
Brennyn still responds better to Blair, she is very clingy and a little whiny around me still. Not nearly like she used to be, but there is still different behaviour for mom.

Brennyn has gone from not smiling to filling the room with laughter. This child has such an amazing smile and laugh. You can't help but feel happy as soon as you see that grin.

She is still a parrot, and big sister is the target. Brennyn copies every action, movement, facial feature and word said by her sister. Often I'll hear "DON'T DO EVERYTHING I DO ANYMORE". The biggest issue with this is that Brennyn is also a bit of a daredevil, as in she has no fear. Big sister jumps over the dog, well I should too. Unfortunately, Brennyn lacks the coordination Avery has.

These girls have totally different personalities. It is amazing watching them grow. Avery is shy and very reserved out in public. Brennyn is outgoing and chatty. Yes, Brennyn still would go to anyone, especially ladies and we are working on attachment. However,she really is an outgoing child.

We've had our share of medical difficulties with more to come. Brennyn has had some orphanage related illness which I won't go into. She also had her first visit to the dentist and her teeth are not in good shape.
The dentist feels that she was malnourished and a very sick little girl which has led to teeth issues. It looks like she has had very, very high fevers and lots of them. It really makes me wish the orphanage would give a more detailed health report to the adoptive parents. We'll never know with certainty what illness she did have, although I have a hunch.

The biggest change in my daughter would have to be the affection. She is one cuddly little monkey who loves to give kisses. Brennyn will run into the room and plant a big wet kiss on my knee (if I'm standing). I love her big sloppy wet kisses.

These last 3 months have not been easy, but I would not change a minute of it!

What a year!

Happy New Year!
Wow, 2010. Feels strange to type that, and what a difference a year can make. 2009 was a life altering year for us. There were a few bumps in the road but man were those bumps worth it!
I still can't believe that I am a mom to two amazing little girls. You know what, I may not have luck when it comes to some things but I have been blessed with my girls.
Here's to 2010!