It's finally happened, the words have been spoken

Yes folks, my 5 1/2 year old has finally uttered the words that every parent just loves to hear "I hate this family". Really, how should one respond to that. I'm tempted to go the sarcasm route myself but that's the way I roll. However, I kept it in check and just calmy said "those are not very nice words to say Avery", followed by "what type of family would you prefer"? To which, Avery responded "one that let's me do whatever I want" (complete with an eye roll). Good luck with that kiddo. As an aside, Avery was upset because Brennyn would not remove her doll from her bed at her bedtime because Avery happened to be in the mood to listen to Brennyn's story at bedtime. Gah, how dare Brennyn not remove her own doll from her own bed so her sister could scam her way into extra stories (Avery goes to bed after Brennyn).

A girl and her dolls

I have one daughter who loves dolls and princesses and another daughter who thinks dolls are "disgusting and yucky" (truth is, she is petrified of them). Keeps things lively around here. I love that my girls are opposites. Actually, it doesn't really matter what I think, they are who they are! Avery wants to be a zombie for Halloween. I'm all for it. What can I say, you're talking to someone who dressed as a ghost, vampire or dead beauty queen every year. Although, I am not the one who gave her the zombie idea, it was all her Dad (he bought her the plants vs zombie game for Christmas last year, and it's been zombie this and zombie that ever since).

Oh good, I'm rambling again

I've been QQing a lot with Avery's birth cousin this past month. I've also been added by one of Avery's siblings as well and have had a limited chat (the language barrier makes it difficult). I have been able to learn so much about Avery's birth family, it's surreal. It's just that sometimes I wonder if I'm stepping over the line. They would love for me to hook up the camera so we can speak face to face, and they can speak to Avery. It would only be the cousin speaking and seeing us right now since he is away at school and no where near the family. Also, the family does not have the internet in their village anyway (the sibling is also away at school, but again, we have not had much contact). I am also starting a search for Avery's bio sibling who was also adopted internationally. I have sent her family a letter asking for more information about this other sibling (they seem to somehow know the nationality of the family who adopted her). I know some people may think that I am taking a choice away from Avery by doing this search on her behalf. Maybe I am. However, I also know what it's like to grow up wondering and fantasizing about what your birth family looks like. I still wonder what my birth mother looks like. Do I want to search for her, not really. Yet, I have always wondered what she looks like. I am confident in my feelings that my parents are my family. My mother may not have given birth to me, but she is and always will be my mother. She is my only mother. Yes, someone else gave birth to me, but that does not make her my mother. I guess the word mother means so much more to me. This may sound like I'm bitter, but I'm not. I think my birth mother made the best decision in her situation and I respect her for that. I don't know what her life has been like, or if she even had more children (I assume so, since she was only 17 when I was born). I would love to let her know that I had an amazing life growing up and have a wonderful family. I know, I'm a big walking contradiction because I do feel that Avery's birth family is a part of our family. I don't know how Avery will feel about them when she is older. Maybe I would feel differently if I had an ongoing relationship with my birth family growing up, but I didn't. Maybe I did take away Avery's choices, but she has the one thing most adoptees crave, a picture of her birth family!

Happy Brennyn Day

Tomorrow is Brennyn's second adoption day (we call it Brennyn day around here). Two years since we climbed those stairs into that room and saw her little face for the very first time. She didn't care who was in that room, she was too busy looking at flyers, checking all the people out and exploring. Once I brought that food out, things changed. From that moment on, she has been glued to my side. Sure, she may not have liked me very much that first week, but she figured that I was the one feeding her so I must be okay. Brennyn had a big bruise on her cheek, we never did figure out what it was from (although we think it was from the CWI staff pinching her cheeks to make sure she wasn't keeping food in there). Yes, Brennyn had food issues, we woke up after that first night to find pieces of cucumber and noodles stuck in her gums and cheeks. She ate so fast, we couldn't go out to a restaurant because she screamed if we didn't get the food in fast enough. Not going to lie, it was the hardest 2 weeks of my life, that time in China with Brennyn and a sick husband. We spent many an hour wandering around the streets of Xi'an, just me and a 25 pound 2 year old in the carrier on my back (Brennyn hated the stroller). In the end, I think that time aided our bonding. The memories of the hard times fade quickly, because you are more than worth every second of it. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat, even knowing how difficult it was. You are such an amazing, special child. You light up a room, and make the grouchiest person crack a smile. You have gone through so much in the first 4 years of your life, but you still have such a happy, go lucky personality (most of the time). It amazes me how much you love people. Gosh, you do know how to get into trouble though, you just can't control your curiosity! What can I say Brennyn, we are blessed to have you in our life and to be able to call you daughter! Happy second Brennyn Day!

Too much on my mind

Or, why or why am I awake at 4:30am. My kids are snug as a bug in a rug and here I am, wide awake. I think I have the opposite of insomnia, I just wake up at crazy early hours. You would think that I could get so much done, waking up so early. I'm trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. You see, once upon a time I graduated (barely, I hate to admit) from University with a major in psychology. My guidance counselor told me to stick to the sciences (which I was actually good at) since there really wasn't much you could do with a psych degree (unless you get your masters at least). A BA just doesn't get you much. The crazy thing is, I would take psychology all over again. I can't help it, I find the subject fascinating. However, my career seems to be sadly lacking. Yes, I am very fortunate to be able to stay home with my children right now, but what am I going to do after? That is the question of the hour. I'm thinking it may be time to go to college? I just have to figure out what I want to be!

Apparently, I still have no time to blog. Between school and gymnastics, these girls keep me busy. Avery is in her first year of pre-competitive gymnastics, so she has gymnastics Monday and Friday evenings. I pick her up from the bus and we rush over to the gym. She's there for 2 hours. Parents are only allowed to stay for the first 15 minutes and the last 15 minutes (they don't want the kids distracted, I guess). Anyway, yesterday I was watching the older girls practise their floor routines. It's like watching the olympics, wow (okay, so the extent of my gymnastics is a cartwheel, which I didn't master until I was in my 20's). Those kids work hard! Not sure that Avery will be getting to that level, the cost of gymnastics will be dictating her involvement in future years (I've been told that as the kids get older, the price increases dramatically). That, and the fact that she seems to only have eyes for soccer! On the other hand, Brennyn loves gymnastics. She only goes once a week for an hour and the parents get to stay and watch (these kids are there for the fun and exercise). Gymnastics has been great for Brennyn, she has to focus on the task at hand (or you fall off the beam, etc.). Brennyn loves bouncing on the trampoline and doing somersaults. Gymnatics has really helped with her balance and her strength. Sometimes, her coach has her hands full (with Brennyn and another girl who has a very similar fun-loving, non-listening type of personality). Her coach loves her though, Brennyn ran up to her coach last week and gave her a big hug (they don't have gymnastics in the summer, so it was the first day back). These pictures have nothing to do with gymnastics, but they do show Avery's true love!

Mid-Autumn moon

Happy Mid-Autumn Moon Festival! Once again, we celebrated the festival with our local group of families with children born in China. Every year, I am amazed at how grown up some of the kids look. I keep forgetting that it has been over 6 years since we first met some of these girls (it seems like it was yesterday we were just starting the paperwork to adopt from China). That 7 year old is now 13, not such a little girl anymore. My girls are among the youngest, and I think some of the other families say the same thing about my 2, except it's "remember when she was a baby". Of course, they probably say that about their kids too! Time is a funny thing, seems to speed up the more you want her to slow down!

My heart broke for my daughter. We were on our way home from a party yesterday with Brennyn (Avery was at Wonderland with her Aunt so she wasn't there) and Brennyn was telling us about her time playing with the other kids. Suddenly she quietly says "the big girls wouldn't let me play in the house". I was surprised and asked what she meant. All the kids had been playing together in the basement. It's funny, because I had said to Blair earlier "do you think I should go down and check on Brennyn"? I feel like I'm like one of those helicopter parents though, so I figured since we knew where the kids were and there was an adult down there, she needed time to play on her own. I don't know if it would have made a difference if I was down there, I'm sure it was bound to happen sooner than later. Kids are kids. Anyway, after we pressed Brennyn about it she said "I'm just too different, so they didn't want me to play". She was so sad! Now, I don't know if any of the kids said that, or if Brennyn just thought of that on her own. I tried to get her to expand, but she was so tired. How we try to shelter our children, but all the while knowing you just can't. I wanted her innocence to last forever, but I knew it couldn't.

First day of school

Met with Brennyn's teacher in the morning, who happens to be Avery's teacher from last year. She figured out that the girls were polar opposites in the first 5 minutes. Avery never said a word about our family all last year (she didn't say much of anything), Brennyn told her every little thing we did over the summer in a 5 minute conversation!
Avery was happy to say hello to her old teacher though, and to show Brennyn around the classroom.

Got home from that meeting just in time to put Avery on the bus for her first day. Yes, I could have just hung around the school for another hour, but I really wanted Avery to get the bus on her first day back. It's a new bus driver since Avery is going in the afternoons this year.
Brennyn doesn't officially start until the 19th, and she'll be in the morning class.

Been at the beach, trying to cram as much fun time into this summer as possible. Tuesday is the big day, the end of summer, back to school!

Anyway, been doing more chatting on QQ with Avery's birth cousin. He was able to visit with Avery's family a few weeks ago and took a picture of the whole family. We are forever grateful to this young man, who I'm sure has better things to do than chat with a middle aged Canadian woman (he's in university and says that he is happy to correspond with me so he can practise his english). Still, he doesn't have to take pictures to Avery's family for me, or ask my 500 questions!

I'm trying to decide if I should send a package of some Canadian goodies to him and to Avery's family. I don't want to be pushy. I do know how happy that Avery's birth mom and dad are to get regular pictures.
I know how happy we are to get pictures of them. Avery's sisters are gorgeous, I must add. Avery looks so much like her one sister. It gives me an idea of what Avery will look like in 15 years! Honestly, it's uncanny how much they look alike.