Sunday, September 25, 2011

Oh good, I'm rambling again

I've been QQing a lot with Avery's birth cousin this past month. I've also been added by one of Avery's siblings as well and have had a limited chat (the language barrier makes it difficult). I have been able to learn so much about Avery's birth family, it's surreal. It's just that sometimes I wonder if I'm stepping over the line. They would love for me to hook up the camera so we can speak face to face, and they can speak to Avery. It would only be the cousin speaking and seeing us right now since he is away at school and no where near the family. Also, the family does not have the internet in their village anyway (the sibling is also away at school, but again, we have not had much contact). I am also starting a search for Avery's bio sibling who was also adopted internationally. I have sent her family a letter asking for more information about this other sibling (they seem to somehow know the nationality of the family who adopted her). I know some people may think that I am taking a choice away from Avery by doing this search on her behalf. Maybe I am. However, I also know what it's like to grow up wondering and fantasizing about what your birth family looks like. I still wonder what my birth mother looks like. Do I want to search for her, not really. Yet, I have always wondered what she looks like. I am confident in my feelings that my parents are my family. My mother may not have given birth to me, but she is and always will be my mother. She is my only mother. Yes, someone else gave birth to me, but that does not make her my mother. I guess the word mother means so much more to me. This may sound like I'm bitter, but I'm not. I think my birth mother made the best decision in her situation and I respect her for that. I don't know what her life has been like, or if she even had more children (I assume so, since she was only 17 when I was born). I would love to let her know that I had an amazing life growing up and have a wonderful family. I know, I'm a big walking contradiction because I do feel that Avery's birth family is a part of our family. I don't know how Avery will feel about them when she is older. Maybe I would feel differently if I had an ongoing relationship with my birth family growing up, but I didn't. Maybe I did take away Avery's choices, but she has the one thing most adoptees crave, a picture of her birth family!


  1. For what its worth?? I think you are doing a great thing by trying to find your daughters additional family. Who knows, if you have the amazing info you have and then did nothing she could also ask when she is older why you did not explore it further. I think once you have the info its best to follow the leads you have than risk not being able to use it down the line!! What an amazing gift you are giving her!!
    Tricia (mom to 2 amazing China daughters)