Fun Christmas!!

Happy Birthday (a day late)

Happy Birthday to my hard working, busy, busy husband! We love you so much that when pick Swiss Chalet as your special birthday dinner we will go with a smile on our faces. Okay, so the girl's smiles are geniune because they love to go out for dinner, mine may be a little forced, lol!
You are a great daddy and your girls adore you.

Merry Christmas!

Tragic

Like everyone else, I am horrified and heartsick over the recent school shooting. My children are the same age as most of those poor innocent babies. They were babies, their lives had just begun.
I just feel so very sorry for all the families who have lost loved ones in such an unfair, unfathomable way. It's just not fair.

Don't you wish you could fix everything

I was brushing Brennyn's teeth this evening and I noticed that her front tooth looked chipped, so I made an error in judgement and said "oh dear, I think you have lost a piece of your tooth". Brennyn's teeth are very fragile, and they have a different shape (part of her syndrome).
Usually this would not be an issue, Brennyn just laughs everything off or doesn't seem to notice.
Tonight was not one of those nights. My little girl burst into hysterical, big sobbing tears and said "I just want to be like everyone else".
Broke my heart! I tried to explain that we want her to be who she is, and we love her so very much, but it is hard for her. She is at an age where the children notice her hands, her skin and her teeth. I can't make all that go away, but I can try my best to be there for her and let her cry sometimes.

Tis the season where I work many hours, therefore no time to blog. Have to say that B is not adjusting to the "mommy working" thing very well (even though it is seasonal). Decline in behaviour is very obvious (plus she did spell it out when she said "I don't like it when you go to work", lol).

Although, both girls have already told me that they like Daddy's dinners better. Hmm, could it be because his staples are pizza, fish sticks and homemade french fries. At least they are spending some good Daddy/daughter time together and having some fun!

Learning curve

As we deal with the possible issues B may have, I find I am learning. I am learning that you can't always put everything in a tidy little box and fix it. I'm learning that sometimes the people who are there to help don't always have an answer either (they are learning too). I am learning that I have to let go a little.
There may never be an answer, I don't have control and sometimes I need a break too. Sometimes this mommy gig isn't easy.
Sometimes we have to love our kids even more than we think is possible, at a time when they aren't acting very loveable (talking about my darling eldest daughter).
Sometimes I feel like someone is testing me, and I don't think I'm getting an A.

The biggest thing I'm learning is that I can't fix everything, but that is okay. I can't just take my child to a professional and have them give me a solution. This is a work in progress.

In fact this whole parenting thing is a work in progress. I will be there for my kids, I will love my kids, I just hope it is enough.

Attachment, etc.

We have our results! I am very proud to say that our girl is very, very bright. She scored so well on the cognitive testing. Not surprising, I already knew this (I am biased of course). However, not surprising again, there are some concerns.
I think her cognitive ability is what will help her overcome most of her school related issues. Unfortunately, she is going to have to work a lot harder than most of the other kids in her class to keep up. Some things, such as rhyming are very difficult for her to comprehend. Brennyn memorizes things that rhyme, but if you throw a new word at her, she just can't rhyme. We have ideas to help her work on this though, because she may also have a difficult time learning to read.
Again, right now she is trying and she can pick out a few words (but we are also realizing she has memorized these key words).

Basically, she really is doing so much better this year in school. She is concentrating more and socializing a bit better.
We have to remind her of personal space, proper behaviour, etc. and we will have to keep reminding her of this because it simply will not come naturally to her.
She also has attachment issues, obviously. There are also a few sensory concerns as well, and we may need to see an OT if they don't improve next year.

Brennyn missed out on so much in her first 2 years of life. I don't know why other children adopted at her age from her orphanage (and others) don't seem to have her issues. That really doesn't matter, because we are focused on our daughter.
She is one amazing kid, and although this has been a difficult road at times, I just love her so much. She is so very brave.

Off to Sick Kids this morning. Worked out well since it happens to be a PD day for my girls. Not sure how excited Avery is to be spending her day off school at Sick Kids with her sister, but the promise of a lunch out has helped!
I think it's good for Avery to see what happens when her sister goes to her doctor appointments, it's not all fun and games for Brennyn.

Busy weekend around here, tractor parade of lights (can you tell we live in a small town, ha ha) tonight, Santa Clause parade tomorrow night and I am coaching Avery's soccer team Sunday morning.

There was no coach for Avery's team, so her Dad volunteered. Only problem is that he works shift work and can't make a few games. Guess who is the fill in coach? Should be a very interesting game, since I really do not know much about soccer. Good thing it's only the under 8 age group.

Goofing around

Waiting

We are still waiting on the results of Brennyn's developmental/behavioural testing. This has been a very, very long process. Unfortunately, we have had to take a break from seeing the private psychologist for a month or two (partly because of the cost, not just her fees, but add the parking and the hour and half drive). She did give us some very helpful insight, and ideas so we are working on those.

Brennyn's teacher left us a message a few weeks ago letting us know that B was doing so much better this year (same teacher as last year who thought perhaps Brennyn had mild autism, etc.).
We are still concerned about how Brennyn will do next year when she is in school full time, but I guess we will cross that bridge next year! Still hoping we get some feedback from the infant and child development team. We know she did great on the actual testing, just not sure what all the behavioural forms we filled out will reveal.
B has come so far, she is counting to 100, and can even read a few words (she is in SK). As I have mentioned before, she still has trouble sitting still and does get distracted. We think her classroom many be a little too stimulating for her (it's very large, but only 20 students, and bright).

Our biggest concerns are also some of the quirks we love so much about her. She is the happiest kid, and overly friendly (yes, we know this is an attachment issue), she cares about everyone so much.
At the same time, we have to watch her all the time. She has always been curious and still is (stuck a chopstick in our electrical outlet, and yes we were in the next room, just never thought she would do that).
She is the type of child who normally would not run across the street because she knows that you have to watch for cars, yet still she has done it (saw Grandma and ran to her, another time it was her sister that she saw).
She also sits too close to kids, really doesn't understand the concept of personal space, and loves to touch everyone and everything.

The best way to sum this up is that Brennyn is 5 years old, but she is still 3 emotionally and behaviourally (she is also tall, and people seem to think she is the older sister). Yet, she is right on track when it comes to actual school work.
Honestly, everyone who meets B, loves her (how can you not).

Happy Avery and Lia day

Very special day for two very special girls (plus 1 little sister)!

Happy Avery Day

Six years ago we were waiting in a conference room in Jiangxi China with 17 other adoptive families from our travel group. We were one of the last names to be called. Mr. Tu placed you in my arms and I became a mom and we became a family.
I started to cry (a mixture of complete happiness and a little fear) and you started to cry (your tears were a mixture of a lot of fear, hunger and overheating).
You cried for three hours.
I remember your Dad telling me to take off some of your layers (it was 25 degrees in the hotel room, and you were dressed in 4 layers of clothes. We were in shorts and we were sweating). All I could remember were our social workers advice "don't change her out of her clothes right away, it is all she has that is familiar to her". I did not want to change you, but in the end I finally took away a few layers and fed you.
You woke up the next morning and smiled at us. You had your Dad wrapped around your finger at that moment. You are two peas in a pod!

I can't believe how quickly the last 6 years have gone. You are one smart, athletic, strong willed, play by the rules, old soul type of girl.

I love you to the moon and back a million times, Avery Fu!!

Halloween fun

Zooombiessss

Halloween party (wine club)

It was my turn to host wine club and of course I picked a Halloween theme. I may have gone a little crazy, but Halloween is one of my favourite holidays!

Emotional week

For me, not the kids. First, had a great appointment with the psychologist. She gave us some valuable insight into what B may be feeling, which is what could be driving some of her behaviour. It's funny, it seems so obvious, but it takes someone else talking about it to make you clue in.

Secondly, I will come right out and say that I found my birth family (awhile ago). It took so much courage for me to contact them. I am a very private person (in real life, not so much on the blog).
She does not want any contact, none. You would think in this day and age that the need for secrecy would no longer exist. I was very, very angry for a few days.
I have a wonderful family, parents who would give me the stars if they could. I have great kids and a husband (who pushes my buttons but I love so much). I did not want another mother or sister or brother. I just wanted information. I wanted to be acknowledged.
I did not want to be shoved under a rug, have my feelings ignored again.
I can only describe this situation as feeling like you don't matter, like you don't have any control.
Once again, someone else makes a life changing decision and you have no say.

Thank god I was adopted by such a supportive, mostly open family. I have always maintained that my mom and my dad are the only parents I know and have.

I guess I have been reading so much lately on chat groups about adoptive parents not likeing the term birth parent. They prefer mom, dad, first parent, etc. Again, I will stress that every adoptee is different, but I have always felt that my birth parents are just that, birth parents. They are not my mom, or dad. I don't even feel they are my first parents (even though, I guess technically they are). They were not parents to me. She simply gave birth to me.

Avery's birth parents are very important to us, and I hope will continue to play a part in our lives. My feelings will not be the same as Avery's. She is a different person than me. I hope she will always want to have contact with her family in China! Different situation.

Seems to be getting harder to find time to blog these days.

Kids are busy with school and gymnastics. Avery has gymnastics 3 days a week for a total of 11 hours of gym time. That girl is in shape!! Soccer also starts in a few weeks, somehow we've turned into a sporting event family. Avery loves soccer so much though, so I got outvoted on the let's take a break from soccer this winter (it's indoor, obviously since it would be a little difficult to play soccer outdoors in Ontario from November to March).
Brennyn is loving the ice skating, who knew! She gets out on that ice and doesn't want to get off. Next step is lessons for her.

Speaking of Brennyn, she came home from school last week and said she was so tired. She told me she spent carpet time looking for a place to nap. "you know mom, school is hard work, it makes me tired". Umm, she only goes to school for 2.5 hours a day. Me thinks next year may be a challenge for our Brennyn!

In all seriousness, she also said the boys were very loud at carpet time, and when things get busy or loud Brennyn usually gets tired. It's an escape thing for her.
The bus also makes her tired (after having been on the school bus for a school trip, I can see why).

Updates

We have finished all Brennyn's Infant and Child Developmental testing. Now we wait for the youth worker to summerize her findings and go over the results with the psychologist (who only visits once a month).
Brennyn did very, very well on the actual testing. I am not surprised by this at all. My girl is one smart cookie, however the distractions sometimes get the best of her.
The youth worker did often have to coax Brennyn back to the testing or the seat itself, but she had so much patience. Never once did I feel that she was getting frustrated with Miss B.
Wish I could say the same about myself, heh heh. I will admit to being frustrated with my child every now and again, especially when it takes her 20 minutes to get her socks and shoes on.
Anyway, as I mentioned, she does not appear to have any developmental delays in regards to educational material. We were also asked to fill out a few behavioural questionnaires, as was her teacher. This is the part that I am most curious about. We did a sensory questionnaire, behavioural and ADHD as well. I am not sure how they go about scoring these tests, so I have no idea what the results will be.

Just hoping to have some sort of answers or plan of action. Unfortunately, there seem to be certain situations that set Brennyn off but they are often unavoidable. Brennyn still acts out in crowds of people, but I can't leave her at home when I go to pick her sister up at gymnastics (which is as big a crowd in a small space as you can get) and her Dad is at work.
I am mostly able to avoid taking her to the grocery store, since I try to go when she is at school in the morning. For some reason the grocery store has always been a trigger for Brennyn. It could be the bright lights, the noise or just the amount of items to look at.

Yes, I am that mother whose kid runs around wildly. I am also that mother who often has a very tight grip on my 5 year old's arm at times. I am the mother who gets the stares from the other people in the store, school, party, etc.
Yes, my child still occasionally will lick a window, bus seat or whatever.

You know what, she is still an amazingly strong kid who has come a long, long way in 3 years and I think she is awesome!!

6 year reunion

Last weekend was our annual travel group reunion. It always amazes me how quickly the kids change in a year!

The kids had so much fun, there was face painting, a visit to a park, food, and lots of gifts.

September seems to be a busy month of important events!

Eleven years ago our lives changed and a family was formed! I married a star trek loving, hard working, soccer playing young man. Life certainly has thrown a few challenges our way, and I have a feeling there are more to come. However, we make a united front and muddle our way through.

I love as much today as yesterday. You are a great Daddy, all your girls love you!!
Oh, and of course, we haven't aged a day.

Happy Brennyn Day

Tomorrow is the third anniversary of the day we met our youngest daughter. Three years, my goodness. I can only think that if we were to go back to China tomorrow, no-one would recognize this little girl, she has come so very far in three short years. She is a strong, brave, sweet child. Her strenth amazes me, I am so proud to be her mother. I don't care that people may stare at us when she acts a little "crazy" in crowds. In fact, I want to turn to them and explain how exraordinary this child is, and how sick she was three years ago. I want to tell them how much this child has gone through in the first 5 years of her life, but it's none of their business.

We love you Brennyn Yi Rui. We are privileged to call you our daughter. I will never forget the day we met. I will never forget our time in China, it was hard but we made it work didn't we. I knew you were one special kid the first second I saw you (I know, I'm your mom so I am biased but it's so true). You are a fighter, my daughter and you make me so proud!

Our first picture together, above.

3 years later!

Awesome day yesterday. Sick Kids Plastics department rocks!! We had such a great time at the Congenital Hand family day. Very informative discussions for the adults and lot's of fun for the kids. My girls loved the drum session (they were able to play after some instruction and story telling with the drums). It's all they could talk about, and of course, they now want drums for Christmas, ha ha ha.

It was very interesting to see the surgeons and their teams (especially, our physiotherapist) outside of the clinical setting. This is on their own time, and it was quite the event. It was obvious that a lot of time and effort went into planning this occasion.
It was wonderful for the kids to be hang out with other kids who also have hand differences. Brennyn met a little friend who was like a mini Brennyn, just as outgoing and sweet, and perhaps a little excited. It was kind of funny to watch them playing, I think Brennyn actually got a little annoyed at her little friend, because she kept grabbing on to her and wanting to play (too much like herself). In the end, they had a great time together. Even Avery was running around with them, laughing and playing.

Did I already say how awsome the day was??

We are so excited around here, this coming Saturday we are attending the Sick Kids (Plastics division) families with congenital hand differences picnic. Looks like it is going to be a great day for the kids and educational for the parents. I volunteered to speak on the panel, have no idea what I'm going to say but I'm always up for a challenge. My husband mentioned that I don't seem to have anything prepared, but I've done a few adoption panels and it's all good. People want you to speak from the heart (well that's what I like to hear from people, the doctors and other professionals can handle the medical speak).

Personally, I am looking forward to meeting other families who have children born with hand differences.
Brennyn will be happy to see her favourite physiotherapist! There may be lots of other kids there but everyone always remembers Brennyn!

It's difficult to post about something you really need to keep private

Here is something that I find interesting:
We have a semi-open adoption situation with Avery's family who live a world away. That distance (and the language situation) make it very difficult to have a relationship, but we are trying on all sides.

In our situation (well it's really their situation with Avery) they just want updates every once in awhile. They wanted to know what happened to their daughter! They wanted to explain to Avery why they felt they had to give her up (in their words).

I guess the interesting part to me, is in a culture, where it is still taboo to talk about adoption, they risked so much to find out where their daughter had gone. Yet, here I am in Canada basically being ignored by people who live 30 minutes away (where apparently, the subject of adoption and birth family is still taboo).

Speaking of school

Brennyn had a great first week, happy to meet some new friends (her best friend is in the afternoon kindergarten this year, but they may be together next year again).

Avery, on the other hand, is doing okay. She has adjusted well to the amount of time she is in school (grade 1, so the first year of going all day every day). It's the socialization that still suffers.
It's the same at gymnastics, she does not talk. All I can think about is how lonely she must feel. As a mom (and a very shy person) I just want to find a way to make it easier for her to talk to kids outside of her own environment (because bring a child to our house, and it's non stop talk).
However, the more we bring the situation to light, the more she shuts down (or rolls her eyes at us).
Of course, she also takes out her frustration on her sister and I, which is unacceptable. She picks on her sister, constantly is in her face, etc. It seems obvious to me (the non professional) that she feels out of control at school, etc. so she feels a need to control her home environment.


In other education related news, Brennyn has started her assesment with the local infant and development team. The team and I are wondering if the testing part is not a waste, since it is clear that Brennyn is one smart cookie (knew that). The testing is more to show developmental delays in thinking, memory, etc. which B does not have any issues with. Her issues are more behavoural in nature. There is a huge questionnaire that the teacher and the parents fill out which addresses more of the behvioural aspects. Should have all this done by the middle of October, which makes me feel like we are getting somewhere now!!

School time!

Grade 1 and SK, watch out world here they come!

Back to school pancakes (tried to make an S for School).

More soccer

Assistant coach Daddy in action

Soccer finals

Soccer is over for another season. I am so proud of my daughter, she played her heart out and never gave up. The majority of her team gave up (they are only 5 and 6 after all), but Avery and one other girl kept on going (and the other girl had strep throat).
They lost badly, but that didn't matter to Avery. She does love her soccer! She is counting down the days until indoor starts in November.

Someone is keeping the tooth fairy very busy

The local infant, youth development team contacted us this week. They must have pushed B up the line (you age out of this program at 6) because we were originally told there was a 6 month to a year waiting list.
The worker has already been to our house to meet B (and the rest of our crazy household).
I am happy to say that we are going ahead with a full assessment. It's hard to explain how much of a relief this is.

Again, it is going to be difficult to assess whether B's development is a result of 2 years in an orphanage or if there is something more going on.
The psychologist believes (as do we) that most of B's behaviours are partly due institutional care.
She may also have some sensory issues going on. I really don't know how I missed the sensory issues, feel like we should have started all of this years ago.

I guess what I also don't understand is how the other children adopted from her orphanage don't seem to be having any of these issues. I've done a search on the orphanage yahoo group and nothing comes up about behavoural/developmental concerns. It's not a small orphanage either, very well known.
Is it just that no-one feels comfortable talking about the not so rosey part of adoption?

As I've mentioned before, we love our daughter so very much. She is the kindest, sweetest most loving child. She is so concerned about everyone, and loves to make us laugh.
We think she is awesome! We also realize that if she doesn't get some help now, she may not be as happy when she gets older and she will not do well in school or socially.

Trailer life

Shh, don't tell Grandpa that we borrowed his binoculars. Had some fun trying to find an animal or two in the field.

Took the girls on a long hike on the beach. It was such a beautiful weekend.

Hmm, there is actually a picture of me in here. You can tell that I'm the picture taker in the family since I'm rarely in them.

Fun at a different beach

Took some time away from Grandma and Grandpa's beach and tried out Wasaga Beach. My Uncle rents a cottage there with his kids and usually the whole family tries to make it out for one day. This is the first time I've been able to take both girls (Avery went with me once years ago).

Wasaga is a hit for the kids since the water is so shallow and there are sand bars every 5 feet.

Not sure why we don't head to Wasaga more often, we only live an hour away? Guess we are spoiled by our almost private beach at the trailer!

Some good news

Spent a long day at Sick Kids with Brennyn yesterday. Avery was able to hang out with her favourite Aunt, which involved a trip to McD's and movies.

Brennyn was so great, she played with toys for hours while we waited and did not complain once. Although she did tell the intern (yes, I know they aren't really interns but I always forget the correct title, is it fellow??? All I know is they are already doctors but come from other hospitals to do their specialized training at Sick Kids) that Dr. C should be much faster because she had to wait too long. The intern laughted and said she certainly could not tell this to Dr. C because she wanted to keep her job, ha ha.

As a side note, the doctor and the physiotherapist both suggested to me that Brennyn should take acting classes, hmm, wonder why??

Anyway, after some debating with the team, we decided (okay so it was mostly the good doctor) that Brennyn will not be having more surgery.
She functions so well with her right hand and at this point it looks like the surgery would be for cosmetic reasons since her index finger will not be functional on it's own.
I really don't want to start messing with her dominant hand if it's purely for cosmetic reasons. He also did not feel that the surgery would be a success anyway.

Now, if Brennyn wants to do the surgery when she is older, it will be an option.

I had a great chat with the physiotherapist. Have I mentioned how awesome she is?? We just love her.
She said that you can't second guess yourself. B may be upset when she is older that we didn't do the surgery. Some kids are very self conscious and there isn't a crystal ball to see the future. She doubts that Brennyn will have this issue, but one never knows. You have to make the best decision based on the facts at hand!

It's been busy

Have not had any time to blog, and not because it's summer. Poor husband was in the hospital last week for an extended 4 night stay. He came home from work early on Tues. saying he had really bad pain. I, of course, being the sympathetic person I am, said "can you turn out the light, I'm trying to sleep". In my defense, my husband is known to cry sick often (you know the commercial for the man cold, that's my darling hubby).
Anyway, an hour into him being in agony I suggest he call for the ambulance (he is a paramedic after all). Of course he won't let me, and calls his Dad to drive him in. Thank goodness my in-laws live around the corner.

Anyway, long story short, he was this close to having surgery but things worked themselves out. Very scary situation, but he is home now and feeling so much better. Crazy man gets out of the hospital on a Saturday and returns to work on the Monday.

Beach life

Perhaps a future Olympian (except according to Miss A, it will only be in Soccer)